The Quotes Page

My infamous repository of all that is funny, online and otherwise. Up since summer of 2001 and still going strong.

Send your Quotes to quotes [at] banerfee [dot] com!

Good quotes are good times - Sushil.

(22:56:57) Daovonnaex: I'll bet New Orleans, when rebuilt, is going to suck
(22:57:10) Daovonnaex: They'll probably outlaw fun, like most other American cities
(22:57:59) Daovonnaex: I just have this sinking feeling that the unlimited drinking, unlimited strip clubs, public nudity, constant partying, constant gambling, and tolerated prostitution will no longer exist in the new New Orleans.
(22:58:15) Daovonnaex: Meaning I'm going to have to go to fucking Macau from now on to get that kind of experience.

(00:00:53) Daovonnaex: Sort of like I levy my Swedish to tap the enormous Swedish market
(00:01:33) Neil B: How's your Swedish?
(00:01:45) Daovonnaex: Perfect
(00:02:01) Daovonnaex: Of course, I always speak Swedish at home
(00:02:07) Daovonnaex: And I read Swedish books
(00:02:26) Daovonnaex: My writing in Swedish isn't as sublimely perfect as my writing in English, though.
(00:02:50) Neil B: Do you have some shreds of modesty in Swedish?
(00:03:10) Daovonnaex: I'm pretty sure personality is fairly independent of language.

(22:19:42) Neil B: My account wanted a username so I gave it banerfee
(22:19:47) Neil B: And now the default email is

MagikMaker85: So do the French smell bad or is that just a common misconception?
spark eternity: lol no they smell great, cos they use a lot of perfume to cover up the lack of showering ;-)

[After Judge Roberts's nomination to the US Supreme Court]
ConfusedBowman: goodbye abortion?
oddilks: hello coat hanger

(12:34:22) Dan: i think she's doing the standard female "make guy feel really bad even though you forgive him" thing
(12:34:28) Dan: its like page 45 of the manual
(12:34:37) Neil B: Oh I just read the SparkNotes for that part.
(12:34:48) Dan: they really dont convey the meaning too well

(14:28:59) Aditi: how are you
(14:29:03) Neil B: Pretty well
(14:29:08) Neil B: How are you? How are your foreskins doing?
(14:29:17) Aditi: theyre doing just fine :)
(14:29:26) Aditi: i got a brown foreskin today
(14:29:29) Aditi: so i thought it was indian
(14:29:32) Aditi: and i got excited
(14:29:33) Aditi: but
(14:29:38) Aditi: it was african american
(14:29:41) Aditi: so yah :-/

Meghan6789: yeah 2 months and 100 bucks
FirstMilBy21: 1 month
Meghan6789: at this rate you'll be firstthouby21

(11:45:28) Neil B: Hey, I just paid to download music
(11:45:31) Neil B: I feel ... strangely good about myself
(11:45:37) Dan: ew
(11:45:42) Dan: now you have the HIV virus
(11:45:47) Dan: thats how you get it you know
(11:45:53) Neil B: Oh, shit
(11:46:04) Neil B: Health class told me it was from something gross like penis in vagina
(11:46:06) Dan: did you wear latex gloves?
(11:46:16) Neil B: ...I knew I was forgetting something! Argh!

(23:34:11) Meghan: i don't like bad taste
(23:34:17) Meghan: tastes bad
(23:34:26) Neil B: Don't steal my sense of humor.
(23:34:28) Neil B: :-P
(23:34:33) Meghan: that was a neil joke
(23:34:38) Neil B: I know
(23:34:44) Meghan: you've rubbed off on me
(23:34:53) Meghan: (don't say anything about rubbing on me)
(23:35:54) Meghan: or rubbing off
(23:35:58) Meghan: or rubbing in general
(23:36:03) Meghan: god i have to stop reading the quotes page
(23:36:44) Meghan: it's frying my brain
(23:40:22) Neil B: hahaha
(23:40:33) Neil B: Damn you and your pre-emptive anti-Quote strategies...
(23:40:43) Neil B: But you can't stop me
(23:40:46) Neil B: PENIS!!!
(23:40:52) Neil B: roflmao
(23:40:56) Meghan: AGH

Talking about The Island...
(00:35:32) Sam: but like, how it was raining - INSIDE THE RANDOM PSUEDOWOMB FARM - just so Scarlett would be wet
(00:35:43) Sam: like, part of me was like, "Rain, wha? This is retarded."
(00:35:56) Sam: But like, the other part was like "Ooooooooooohpretty."
(00:35:59) Neil B: lol
(00:37:16) Neil B: It was raining for moisture purposes
(00:37:22) Neil B: Things need to be wet.
(00:37:27) Sam: Yeah, like Scarlett Johannson

(01:55:19) Dan: i saw a porn once where the guy is like im here to fix your toilet show me where it is
(01:55:29) Dan: then the camera cuts out and theyre in the bedroom and he's getting head
(01:55:34) Dan: i was confused
(01:55:40) Neil B: lol nice
(01:55:53) Dan: the whole plumber thing seemed unnecessary
(01:56:16) Dan: or at least they could have done a "Maybe i'll just inspect your plumbing baby!"
(01:56:24) Dan: i mean a one sentence transition and you got it
(01:56:38) Neil B: Yeah.
(01:56:41) Neil B: Should be a law
(01:56:48) Neil B: One semester of college English required to write a porn
(01:57:20) Dan: i think they should incorporate new professions really
(01:57:33) Neil B: Name one.
(01:57:37) Neil B: They've done them all.
(01:57:44) Dan: umm
(01:57:54) Dan: chief justice of the supreme court
(01:59:06) Dan: they they could do stuff like "My cock is unconstitutional, oh yeah you like that baby im going to hit your vagina like a poorly written law that violates the 15th amendment!"
(01:59:33) Dan: i say thats way cooler than "fuck my cock wiht your pussy"

(22:59:46) Meghan: ok did you not totally want ginny and harry to have a hot sex scene?
(23:00:02) Neil B: Uhhhhm
(23:00:14) Meghan: i thought that would have been great
(23:00:18) Neil B: I was waiting for McGonagall to start desecrating Dumbledore's corpse, myself.
(23:00:22) Neil B: But that's just me.

(20:54:55) Morgan: whatever BANErfee of my existence.
(20:55:24) Morgan: wow, that was a real crowd killer.

(20:21:26) Neil B: Fine, flip your coin.
(20:21:43) Ankit: lol
(20:21:54) Ankit: head
(20:22:01) Neil B: lol head
(20:22:19) Neil B: That's good times.
(20:22:23) Ankit: hahahaha
(20:22:37) Neil B: Sometimes you even lol during head because it's great.

In reference to the above...
(20:23:20) Meghan: not really funny
(20:23:33) Neil B: Oh, come on.
(20:23:39) Meghan: this is more boy humor
(20:23:39) Neil B: It has the word "head" three times.
(20:23:43) Meghan: yeah.. my point exactly
(20:23:45) Neil B: What more do you want?
(20:23:50) Meghan: i still love you though
(20:23:55) Meghan: put it on the quotes page

(18:33:15) Avish: i have a major gambling problem
(18:34:16) Neil B: Are you losing lots of money?
(18:34:36) Avish: well
(18:34:42) Avish: i made 1900 yesterday
(18:34:45) Neil B: That's not a problem
(18:34:48) Neil B: That's a solution.

(00:32:18) Neil B: Simultaneously?
(00:32:40) Jeremy31337: No
(00:32:42) Jeremy31337: Concurrently.

Carl: Yes, but you could call it 'Curious George'. ;-)
Danni: My father always called those books "Curious George and the Stupid Man in the Yellow Hat"

(01:23:55) Neil B: How old are said friends? [stole her money]
(01:24:01) Sarah: Twelve.
(01:24:03) Sarah: Thirteen.
(01:24:09) Neil B: I have some two-by-fours and a shovel.
(01:24:16) Neil B: We can fuck them up and sell their organs.
(01:24:23) Sarah: Aww, my hero! *swoons*

(22:49:58) Meghan: i will take him [to a movie]
(22:50:06) Meghan: he just makes my SAT cutoff

(21:24:50) John: How many parents do you think are happy to hear about their children losing their virginity?
(21:24:59) John: Especially if it's in some wierd place
(21:25:08) John: "You did WHAT in a Catholic church?!"

Anish: "What's so great about Sweatervest?"
Krish: "You think he's ... hot?"
Poornima: "He has nice clothes!"
Anish: "TJ Max has nice clothes!"
Krish: "I have nice clothes!"

MulkaMich (2:31:42 PM): her name is beth
MulkaMich (2:31:46 PM): and she rocks my socks
banerfee (2:32:09 PM): SOCKS 5?
banerfee (2:32:11 PM): Or SOCKS 4a?
banerfee (2:32:15 PM): That does make a difference.
MulkaMich (2:32:29 PM): she's multi-protocol
banerfee (2:32:56 PM): ...whoa. That's kinky.
MulkaMich (2:33:18 PM): oh, man, when she port-knocks, I go crazy
banerfee (2:33:34 PM): Just make sure your stack doesn't overflow prematurely.
banerfee (2:33:50 PM): The last thing you want is a core dump just when things are getting good.
MulkaMich (2:34:25 PM): I hope it doesn't... I think my stack is sufficiently sized
banerfee (2:34:46 PM): I got an email telling me I could allocate more space to it if I needed to.

(00:01:25) Neil B: I'll chill in your room and read lecture slides about branch and bound.
(00:02:02) Manisha: oooh that's so sexy
(00:02:22) Neil B: No, dynamic programming is sexy.
(00:02:30) Neil B: That's like hot, slow, intense sex
(00:02:40) Neil B: Branch and bound is rough and seemingly fake porn sex.
(00:02:42) Manisha: will you dynamic program me sometime?
(00:02:45) Neil B: I'd love to.
(00:03:10) Manisha: see, i knew i was lucky to be dating you
(00:03:28) Neil B: You know it.

Jeremy31337: I'm on the front page of the Daily today!
Emmie5492: how? for hash bash?
Jeremy31337: Yeah.
Jeremy31337: They sent a Daily staffer to interview me.
Jeremy31337: ...I ended up asking her out.
Emmie5492: she said yes?
Jeremy31337: Yes, of course she said yes!
Jeremy31337: It's me for God's sake!

banerfee: news article
Scroblog: pwned(adj)- A Chinese man jailed and badly beaten for his wife's murder has been freed after she turned up not only alive but with another husband,

In the cafeteria...
Jeremy: There's no way I'm finishing that. That is NOT pie... It's like, 3.12

Taiwanese friend: I'm going to Taiwan over the summer. I'm excited.
White girl who was born and raised in Indiana: Oh that's nice! Do you speak Japanese well?

Scroblog (4:05:37 PM): i dont like stupid girls
Scroblog (4:05:46 PM): its actually quite bad
Jeremy31337 (4:05:48 PM): Oh yeah I forgot that's me.
Scroblog (4:05:52 PM): hampers my selection very severely
Jeremy31337 (4:06:02 PM): Well it hampers my selection too.
Jeremy31337 (4:06:10 PM): Because I don't date smart girls.
Scroblog (4:06:58 PM): i need to respect a girl to date her, i know this concept is foreign to you
Jeremy31337 (4:07:07 PM): No, I can't respect a girl I date.
Jeremy31337 (4:07:16 PM): If I respect her I respect her too much to inflict myself on her.
Scroblog (4:07:22 PM): hahahaha

Thanks to Alex for...
Student: What is it like to be a point of contention? How do you feel about people arguing about you as a person?
Salman Rushdie: I don't like it. I'm against it.

Scroblog (1:25:08 AM): shit man
Scroblog (1:25:14 AM): i need to clear my internet history
Scroblog (1:25:26 AM): i cant type in any letter anymore without like 10 porn sites coming up
Scroblog (1:25:54 AM): shit, even q

JohDHJ: euphamism*
banerfee: Haha
banerfee: euphemism*
JohDHJ: It's a sad sad day when an Indian has to correct a Korean on English :-P
banerfee: lol
banerfee: We have better English than you do
banerfee: ...if only because our country took it up the ass from England for the better part of a century.

banerfee: You know you've descended to a new low when you procrastinate at

Best EECS professor...ever
Jeremy31337: So I was in the Pierpont parking lot.
Jeremy31337: And I am walking across to get to the sidewalk.
Jeremy31337: And all of a sudden this car starts coming.
Jeremy31337: So I move out of the way so that it can get by
Jeremy31337: And it swerves the direction I was walking.
Jeremy31337: And started coming toward me.
Jeremy31337: And I am like "WTF I am going to die."
Jeremy31337: And then it starts slowing down's Sugih, of course.

(22:41:52) Jeremy: Are you in a sex mood?
(22:42:48) [removed]: haha- yes
(22:42:50) Jeremy: Yes?
(22:42:53) [removed]: oh my god- wrong im

Meghan6789 (12:15:24 AM): neil i had such amazing sex tonight
Meghan6789 (12:15:52 AM): last night i had this sex dream about the boy i had a crush on in the 10th grade and he looked like he did in the 10th grade and it was just a big sign that i needed a lot of sex
Meghan6789 (12:16:16 AM): and it was sooo good.
Meghan6789 (12:16:35 AM): like, i'm typing that and wanting you to read it in the teen girl squad voice
Meghan6789 (12:16:36 AM): that good

Starr285 (9:53:20 PM): I have to say, I'm relieved you don't feel the same way about dogs as I feel about datapaths.

Starr285 (11:04:31 PM): And just think how mastering that lz algorithm thing is going to make you look to the ladies!
banerfee (11:05:49 PM): lol
banerfee (11:06:03 PM): Unshaven, unshowered, unkempt, and generally unappealing.
Starr285 (11:06:55 PM): UNSHAVEN!!! UNKEMPT!!! Neil, you fiend!!!
banerfee (11:07:12 PM): Exactly.
Starr285 (11:07:33 PM): But please, take a shower.

Scroblog: the problem of me having sex with your mom is reducible to me finding my car keys, and i just found my car keys
Scroblog: EECS 376, while gay, is good CS joke material

banerfee: I can subtract.
banerfee: ....amazing how I didn't realize I could subtract until you told me I could.
Scroblog: remember, i can show you the door, but it is you who has to walk through it

Scroblog: im going to start a new trend
Scroblog: spelling out smileys
Scroblog: colon end parentheses
banerfee: colon dash o ... that's a great idea.
Scroblog: B end parentheses

Scroblog: i've re-discovered the beauty of mountain dew
banerfee: lol
banerfee: It's gorgeous.
Scroblog: see, i turned into a coffee man for a bit
Scroblog: coffee : mountain dew as vodka : beer
Scroblog: but there are times, when you want to chilax with a nice beer
banerfee: Absolutely.

banerfee: Sorry, I don't mean to be all depressed.
banerfee: I should go listen to Simple Plan and Linkin Park.
Scroblog: dont forget dashboard confessional
Scroblog: its great to finally have bands i can relate too
Scroblog: man linkin park is soo deep though
me: Nobody really understands me but them.
me: But sometimes I'm talking to someone
me: And everything they say to me brings me one step closer to the edge
me: And I really feel like I'm about to break.
Scroblog: you know, its like
Scroblog: ive tried so hard
me: And after a bad interview, I tell myself that even though I tried so hard and got so far, in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Scroblog: and come so far
Scroblog: oh man you beat me to it

Scroblog: im going to go cut myself
Scroblog: told u i wuz hardcore
me: ...
me: Say wuz again and a bunch of Korean thirteen-year old Starcraft junkies will beat you up for stealing their word.
Scroblog: kekekeke
Scroblog: omg no rush until 10 mins u fags
me: !!!
me: zurg rox!!!!!!!!!!!!11~!~!1`1!`11eleven!!!!!!!
me: 1
Scroblog: omg zerg rush
me: let's go dress like we're black and talk about jesus saving us in our profiles
Scroblog: can i put deep emo lyrics in my away message?

Scroblog: i like hardcore christians
Scroblog: they are funny
Scroblog: i saw an advertisement about a video about kids teaching kids that christianity was totally sweet and cool
Scroblog: and all the cool christians wore black, had spiky hair and skated and stuff
Scroblog: see being christian is like being punk, you're both pussies that pretend to be hardcore, but you get high off jesus instead of drugs

MulkaMich: cause she is good looking, but not my type
Jeremy31337: LOL...yes she is definitely not your type.
banerfee: haha
banerfee: Is syphilis a turn-off?
Jeremy31337: Hahaha!

Scroblog (10:22:32 AM): you kids these days and your shit
Scroblog (10:22:52 AM): back when i was a kid, we had to take a spoon at take the digested food out of our stomachs manually
Scroblog (10:22:56 AM): you have it easy these days

Auto response from Jeremy31337: Good luck to all of my friends at the Internship Fair today! Blow them away!

At the Fair visiting with my friends at Microsoft, then maybe I should stop by my classes...yeah...that might be nice...
banerfee: Does giving lots of oral sex to the Msft rep count as blowing them away?

banerfee: I'm pimping
banerfee: ...I might even be big pimping
Scroblog: spending cheese?
Scroblog: don't forget to do that
banerfee: Let's not jump the gun here
Scroblog: ok ok, take it slow

"I'll die in a tasty way. I think that's the best way to die. Alcohol poisoning kicks way more ass than cancer or some shit like that." - Dan

banerfee: Haha
Meghan6789: here's a picture of it
Meghan6789: the ad campaign worked, i bought it off a friend
Meghan6789: she got back from england and is selling her english candy bars to help gain back some of the book money she's lost
banerfee: Hahaha
Meghan6789: it's like the remarks the harvard prez made
Meghan6789: math and science: not for girls!
Meghan6789: yorkie original: not for girls!
Meghan6789: they go hand in hand

skiesofamber (12:49:34 AM): oh man, neil, I was being a stalker and reading your quote page bc it's DAMN funny
skiesofamber (12:50:05 AM): anyway, I went to a ben folds concert in november, and halfway through he walks backstage and comes out with WILLIAM SHATNER
skiesofamber (12:50:23 AM): and shatner sang like eight terrible, terrible songs
skiesofamber (12:51:11 AM): I don't know if you can call it singing, it was more like a pissed off bus driver on heavy hallucigenics, yelling
skiesofamber (12:51:25 AM): but still mildly entertaining
skiesofamber (12:51:41 AM): and I was so close to the stage, I could see the sweat literally pouring down him
skiesofamber (12:51:50 AM): I almost orgasmed on the spot

(22:42:56) Meghan6789: Bulldog girls are pretty, U of M girls are smart, but it takes a SPARTAN GIRL to win a guys heart. Western girls can't dance, Central girls can't flow, and when you want the best looking girls, MSU is where you go! Wayne girls are wild, Grand Valley girls are fun, but when it comes to partying, MSU girls are #1. Girls will be girls, North, South, East, and West, but a MSU girl always rates best! So any guy who reads this truly has to know if you have a SPARTAN GIRL you should never let her GO!!!
(22:43:05) Meghan6789: this girl had that on her profile
(22:43:07) Meghan6789: how lame is that?
(22:43:42) Stiebel: quite lame
(22:43:56) Stiebel: Smith should have one about how they have the best lesbians
(22:44:14) Meghan6789: north, south, east or west, our bull dykes are the best!

Jeremy31337 (9:44:08 PM): So my 482 GSI today said, "The autograder is like a really bad relationship: You're always told you're doing something wrong, but you're never told why."

Mrhappy310 (8:38:01 PM): can i tell you something private
Mrhappy310 (8:38:08 PM): sometimes i wish i were a girl
Mrhappy310 (8:38:17 PM): like when im deciding which locker room to go into
Mrhappy310 (8:38:21 PM): or who to shower with
spark eternity (8:38:24 PM): hahaha
Mrhappy310 (8:38:29 PM): yah, those are times i wish i were a woman
Mrhappy310 (8:38:31 PM): its not fair
Mrhappy310 (8:38:41 PM): you dont want to see each other naked! I do!

A few throwbacks...
ShArMa911: They just shoot shit out of their ass in the dark.

Vijay: Wait, so they're not mutant teeth?

Neil: It's in my mouth, so my mouth tries to eat it.

Debater: So what kind of judge are you?
Anant: What do you mean? Liberal? Conservative?
Armand: Indian.

Ray: I don't have a mom. Me and my dad shared yours!

JohDHJ: That's because I am superior to you.
banerfee: My home theater is superior to you.
JohDHJ: My computer is superior to you.
banerfee: My home theater is superior to your computer.
banerfee: And you know what, this whole discussion is pointless, because my pen0s pwns everything.
JohDHJ: I'll concede that point.
JohDHJ: but only because you're so cute when you sleep.
banerfee: ^_^
banerfee: I'm so kawaii!
banerfee: -_-;;
JohDHJ: Holy shit.
JohDHJ: That needs to be quoted.

In a chat room. FirstMilBy21 and banerfee had just goatse'd blizzard1286
FirstMilBy21: aditi, go to and read the report
blizzard1286: no!
FirstMilBy21: there are not pictures, i swear, but its funny as hell
banerfee: I promise you that there is nothing disgusting there.
blizzard1286: im NOT falling for this again
banerfee: There are no pictures of any sort.
blizzard1286: its a trick
banerfee: You can trust me.
blizzard1286: a very evil trick
banerfee: It's really not.
banerfee: I promise.
banerfee: You can't trust Stiebel.
banerfee: But you can trust me.
FirstMilBy21: honestly, its just text, no pictures
blizzard1286: you srsly promise?
banerfee: Seriously.

In a regular IM convo
banerfee: We should send her to the ASCII art goatse sometime.
banerfee: "just text, no pictures"

banerfee: Dammit, home is going to take some getting used to.
banerfee: My mom was mad that I even suggested having people over 15 minutes ago.
JohDHJ: you forgot what time it was, didn't you
banerfee: No, I just didn't think it would be that big of a deal.
JohDHJ: Oh.
banerfee: ...and I hadn't even gotten to the part where a girl had to sleep over b/c her mom didn't want her driving that late.
banerfee: :-P
JohDHJ: That's nothing.. the first time i came back home, i kept on forgetting to put the toilet seat down... my mom and sister nearly fell in.

egonomadic: Paul's quote
egonomadic: CPU
egonomadic: so fucking funny.
banerfee: What?
banerfee: Oh, yeah.
banerfee: That is funny.
banerfee: Paul Cooper, though.
banerfee: Not either of the Pauls you know.
egonomadic: Oh. Poor G, I thought he suddenly turned clever.

Rachel: He had some cousins from Italy, and they were Italian.

Paul: Li'l Kim is so hot!
Me: She's so not hot! Her boobs are huge globes of silicone!
Paul: So?! My CPU is silicone and I love that!

RedArmy 9610 (5:42:17 PM): i would kill a koala
RedArmy 9610 (5:42:22 PM): i would try to adopt a kangaroo
RedArmy 9610 (5:42:26 PM): i fucking hate koalas
RedArmy 9610 (5:42:31 PM): they look so killable
RedArmy 9610 (5:42:36 PM): fucking fat fuzzy faces
RedArmy 9610 (5:42:50 PM): i bet inside they are thinking...'im gonna LOOK like i'm cute, but i'm really a bitch"
RedArmy 9610 (5:43:11 PM): and i bet in nature, everyone knows it..the fish, the kangaroos, the elphants, w/e, they know that koalas are bitches
RedArmy 9610 (5:43:14 PM): they look SO KILLABLE
RedArmy 9610 (5:43:15 PM): man
RedArmy 9610 (5:43:16 PM): HAHAH
RedArmy 9610 (5:44:05 PM): haha, i hate koalas'
RedArmy 9610 (5:44:10 PM): i just want to choke it to death
RedArmy 9610 (5:44:20 PM): thats all

JohDHJ: I hate exams... I'm thinking giving a blowjob would be better than taking some of my exams...
banerfee: Easily.
JohDHJ: "Hey professor.. how would you like a taste of Asian sausage?"
"You fail the course."
"Well damn. I didn't see that coming."
JohDHJ: hmm.. i don't think my seduction techniques are up to par.
JohDHJ: looks like I actually have to study.

banerfee (3:59:20 PM): lol
Auto response from breakthedoors (3:59:21 PM): sleeping, then up early to contine this insane studying streak... i've learned my lesson for next semester. procrastination=bad.
banerfee (3:59:23 PM): That's cute.
banerfee (3:59:28 PM): You think you've learned a lesson.
banerfee (3:59:31 PM): Nobody ever learns that lesson.
breakthedoors (6:38:51 PM): lol, and you think Im the one that can't learn a lesson. mr "oh well, i'll just fail." :-P
Auto response from banerfee (6:38:51 PM): Dinner and then some serious crunch time for EECS 270 lab ... but I really think I can pull this off.

Well, if I don't, no biggie. I just fail the class.

banerfee (4:38:46 PM): You're gonna get so much play from all the overweight Asian men [at MIT]!
FirstMilBy21 (4:39:09 PM): thats why i applied
banerfee (4:39:18 PM): ...I mean, Daria not included, you're probably better looking than most girls there.
banerfee (4:39:34 PM): Wow, this weather is bad for my throat.
FirstMilBy21 (4:39:34 PM): i'm going to assume thats a compliment
FirstMilBy21 (4:39:48 PM): yea, you need to stop giving head to strangers on the street

My brother is now in the third grade.
banerfee (8:24:56 PM): I saw some of my brother's elementary school teachers
banerfee (8:24:59 PM): One of them was really hot
Jeremy31337 (8:25:04 PM): LOL...
Jeremy31337 (8:25:09 PM): Your brother should hit that.
banerfee (8:25:13 PM): He totally should.

mzook2 (3:05:30 AM): mountain dewin' it up?
banerfee (3:05:57 AM): I've abstained for the past three hours.
mzook2 (3:06:01 AM): HAHAHAHA
banerfee (3:06:03 AM): I might not do it at all tonight.
mzook2 (3:06:05 AM): "abstained"
banerfee (3:06:12 AM): If I drink that stuff, I get a rush and then I crash.
mzook2 (3:06:15 AM): HAHAHAHAHA
banerfee (3:06:22 AM): Yeah, except abstaining from MD is harder than abstaining from sex.
mzook2 (3:06:26 AM): HAHAHHAA
mzook2 (3:06:33 AM): well said

banerfee: Manisha and I were watching Star Trek
banerfee: Original series
banerfee: And we both have this semiobsession with William Shatner
banerfee: And a running joke that he's the sexiest man alive
banerfee: And she was like "Oh! William Shatner! I love him and his skintight mustard outfit!"
banerfee: So then she grabbed me and pushed me down and was like "Take me now, Neil! Boldly go where no man has gone before!"

Rage Boy 04 (3:52:42 PM): apparently diff eq is something to look forward to though
banerfee (3:52:58 PM): Compared to multi, yes, it is.
Rage Boy 04 (3:53:52 PM): u specified compared to multi
Rage Boy 04 (3:54:03 PM): is that a bad thing
banerfee (3:54:10 PM): It's not something to look forward to compared to, say, a night of wild sex.
banerfee (3:54:16 PM): But compared to multi, yes, it's great.

banerfee: I was scared to death that I'd fail, but I had this sudden revelation
banerfee: And all of a sudden things became clear
banerfee: I found Jesus in the Xilinx code and He is my savior.

pcblingbling (10:36:38 PM): NEWARK, New Jersey (AP) -- Baggage screeners at Newark Liberty International Airport spotted -- and then lost -- a fake bomb planted in luggage by a supervisor during a training exercise.
pcblingbling (10:38:15 PM): builds so much confidence

Krish: So do you have to take it out of one side and then blow the other?
Manisha: No, I can blow both sides.

Me: Why?
Manisha: Because Doc Terror had bases on Neptune.

Meghan6789: but seriously neil, with this kid's credentials, all i wanted to do was have his baby.. for the sake of the fucking DNA alone

Jeremy: I want to fuck you.
Either to me, or Manisha, I'm not sure. He was drunk.

Jeremy31337: Sugih e-mailed me and said "I see a Neil Banerjee in my class list; who is your other friend?"
banerfee: He remembered my name.
Jeremy31337: Yes.
Jeremy31337: He's probably Directory-stalking you.
Jeremy31337: And reading your LiveJournal

Meghan6789: in other news, my mother sent my roommate and i 2 foam cheese heads
Meghan6789: from here
banerfee: LOL
Meghan6789: because jess and i have this cheese club
Meghan6789: it's actually the most expensive hat i own
Meghan6789: she paid 25 bucks for a a piece of yellow foam in the form of a piece of cheddar

Meghan6789: so the phone rings, and i pick it up and this old hispanic woman is like "hello, this is the Smith TTD service, have you ever gotten a call from us before?" and I was like "no" and she said "Just speak whenever I say "okay to go" and I said okay and all i hear is typing
Meghan6789: so she's like "oh baby oh baby, i want you so bad"
Meghan6789: and i not only am i shocked that this old woman is saying this to me, but that some deaf person i don't know is saying it is weird too
banerfee: HAHAHA
Meghan6789: so i was like "do i know you"
banerfee: Could be a hearing person, you know.
Meghan6789: NO it couldn't be
banerfee: Jeff did that. Not sexually.
Meghan6789: and i'll explain why in a minute
Meghan6789: so then she types and says "come to my room now, i need you so bad"
Meghan6789: and then i said "i'm going to hang up if you don't tell me who this is"
Meghan6789: and she says "no baby, don't go" and i said "ok, i'm hanging up now" and as I hang up I hear this old woman yelling "no baby come to my room, i need you so bad, i want you baby oh baby"
Meghan6789: now, i did some research
Meghan6789: and the only way to put a call through the TTD service is through a TTD phone
Meghan6789: they don't have an AIM service or anything
Meghan6789: so this person was clearly deaf, or had access to a TTD phone
Meghan6789: now, you tell me what sick deaf person goes through TTD to make sex calls?
banerfee: Well, deaf people can be immature and horny, too.

stare a cuore (12:22:11 AM): i had to explain what the slope of a line was to someone on monday
gmalivuk (12:22:25 AM): i hate math-phobic life-sciences people
gmalivuk (12:23:07 AM): i'm not asking you to integrate a complex-valued function, for fuck sake. the fact that my explanation has numbers in it doesn't mean it's going to eat you.

Ellie468: It's Mom - How come you never IM me?
Meghan6789: you are never online mom
Ellie468: Can you tell if I'm on Word?
Meghan6789: no mom, word is not online.
Meghan6789: you have to be on AIM for me to know you're there

(17:30:51) Jeremy Linden: When are you going to eat dinner?
(17:30:58) Adam Goodman: don't know
(17:31:00) Jeremy Linden: OK.
(17:31:05) Adam Goodman: i hear it's going to be a fowl meal, though
(17:31:15) Jeremy Linden: ::dies::

banerfee: Would it be academically dishonest for you to do the entire remainder of my ENGIN 100 report and claim it was an accident?
Jeremy31337: LOL.
Jeremy31337: I've been there.
banerfee: Accidentally doing ENGIN reports?
Jeremy31337: I went through the torture of ENGIN 100.
banerfee: Ah.
banerfee: It's so terrible and irrelevant and wrong.
Jeremy31337: I know, I know.
banerfee: ...if Jesus were an engineer, he'd oppose this

Jeremy: But really, that girl never smiles. It's weird. Whenever I see her, she's always upset about something.
Neil: "Gee, whenever I'm around her, she's unhappy..."
Jeremy: Shut up.

Jeremy31337: Ahh!!
Jeremy31337: You posted the Halo quote?
banerfee: ...
banerfee: Of course I did. It was brilliant.
Jeremy31337: Dammit!!!
Jeremy31337: Now there's yet another quote making me look stupid!
banerfee: What are the odds?
Jeremy31337: ...
banerfee: I mean
banerfee: You have a tendency to say things that make you look stupid
banerfee: If you ever run for office
banerfee: This page will fuck you
Jeremy31337: LOL.
Jeremy31337: Come on...Bush has said far far far dumber things.
banerfee: ...damn. You're right. Forget it.

Jeremy31337: Wow...someone is playing Halo so loudly.
Jeremy31337: I can hear the intro music.
banerfee: Go tell them you'll jack off on their door or stop.
Jeremy31337: LOL...I think it's actually not even coming from my hall.
Jeremy31337: I have my window open...I think it's travelling from's that loud.
Jeremy31337: Where is this coming from???
banerfee: That's crazy!!
banerfee: Find it and tell me
Jeremy31337: It's coming out of my air vents!!!
Jeremy31337: AHHH!!!
Jeremy31337: It's so fucking creepy!!!
Jeremy31337: Especially since the echoing of the intro music is just amplified by the metal pipes...
Jeremy31337: Oh fuck.
Jeremy31337: This is going to be a quote.
Jeremy31337: Guess what it was...or do you already know?
Jeremy31337: Your damn quotes page!!!
Jeremy31337: The surround was scary I tell you.
banerfee: Hahahaha
banerfee: That's hilarious
banerfee: WOW
banerfee: You're a fucking moron. But that's amazing.

Editor's Note: The Massachusetts Institute of Technology has extremely exacting admissions standards and a truly brutal academic regimen. Only the best and brightest math and science minds are able to thrive there, as this conversation with a second-year math and physics student demonstrates:

dashka15 (11:01:42 PM): hey do you know any program that can make cool graphs... graphs as in edges and vertices graphs not like axes graphs
banerfee (11:04:07 PM): Yeah.
banerfee (11:04:08 PM): MSPaint
banerfee (11:04:13 PM): It's fairly advanced CAD software.
banerfee (11:04:26 PM): Don't know if you're quite up to it ... or if it's worth learning just for this.
dashka15 (11:04:43 PM): wait eriously? i thought paint was silly
banerfee (11:04:58 PM): ...?
banerfee (11:05:03 PM): No...
dashka15 (11:05:06 PM): hmm ok cool
dashka15 (11:05:14 PM): is it hard
dashka15 (11:05:16 PM): do you think
banerfee (11:05:37 PM): Not as bad as it could be...
dashka15 (11:06:07 PM): do i automatically have it?
dashka15 (11:06:13 PM): i cant see it but maybe im just blind
banerfee (11:06:31 PM): It's kind of a specialized app ... not really something every consumer needs, so it's not that evident.
dashka15 (11:06:35 PM): oh i found it just kidding
banerfee (11:06:37 PM): But it's lurking in the menus somewhere.
banerfee (11:06:39 PM): Yeah, there you go.
banerfee (11:07:35 PM): What you do is use the "pencil" with a thick point to make dots. Or the "circle tool."
banerfee (11:07:39 PM): Then you connect them with the "line tool"
dashka15 (11:07:58 PM): hmmm yes this is very good
dashka15 (11:08:07 PM): hahaha ever so complicated
dashka15 (11:08:14 PM): i didnt know about paint
banerfee (11:08:24 PM): A lot of major companies rely on it.
banerfee (11:08:31 PM): You know, like open source programs?
banerfee (11:08:33 PM): Free and all that.

banerfee: I need to tell [my mom] that I'm going to Toledo on Saturday.
Jeremy31337: LOL...yeah...
Jeremy31337: That would be a good thing to let her know about,
banerfee: Gonna go kill 125,000 Ohioan Republicans.
Jeremy31337: LOL.
banerfee: Get my 2nd Amendment on.

Jeremy31337: LOL!
banerfee: ...could it possibly be real?
Jeremy31337: No.
Jeremy31337: I can't possibly believe that Mississippi has an average IQ of 85
Jeremy31337: That's like borderline retarded.
banerfee: Eh
banerfee: They're pretty stupid.
Jeremy31337: Not that stupid.
Jeremy31337: So this the Dilks with the mom?
banerfee: Haha yeah.
Jeremy31337: Are there pictures on the site?
banerfee: Of his mom?
Jeremy31337: Yeah.
banerfee: Maybe.

banerfee: I'm asking him

banerfee jumps into action...

banerfee: My friend who doesn't know you except for references in the Quotes Page saw the link URL and wants to know if there are pictures of your mom there.
oddilks: tell your friend to shutup unless he wants pictures of his/her corpse on there, possibly being raped by me
banerfee: You picked the perfect fetish for the ultimate porn site.

JohDHJ: so, i took nyquil one night...
JohDHJ: next morning, my shit was green. i kid you not. so, in a funny mood, i thought 'holy shit i'm shitting green, i'm a fucking leprechaun!', so i ran around the apt yelling 'they're after me lucky charms!'

JohDHJ: i don't have roommates...
JohDHJ: just apartment mates
JohDHJ: so i can be as loud on my keyboard as i want :-)
banerfee: Heh
banerfee: No, it's not an issue here either as long as I'm not obscene about it
banerfee: As in hunt-and-peck with my raging pillar of lust

JohDHJ: i just got off the phone with my sister, regarding you.
banerfee: ...?
JohDHJ: sister: so, what are you doing?
me: talking to banerjee.
sister: oh, does he still look up to you?
JohDHJ: me: no, i think Manisha's stolen him away from me.
sis: that's because she can give him something you can't.
me: what? i can give him money too!
JohDHJ: sis: no, i mean, hot asian ass.
JohDHJ: me: i'm going now.
JohDHJ: end.
banerfee: ...
banerfee: So your sister thinks my girlfriend has a hot Asian ass.
JohDHJ: is that a good thing?
banerfee: ...must...resist...threesome...joke...
banerfee: *twitch*

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Winston Churchill

"They get longer as you go farther south." - Kripa (talking about last names of Indians)

FirstMilBy21 (5:03:55 PM): neils home
FirstMilBy21 (5:03:55 PM): yay
blizzard1286 (5:04:27 PM): i found hiim first
blizzard1286 (5:04:28 PM): hes mine

(19:01:44) Stiebel: you busy tonight?
(19:02:25) himynameisevan13: got a lil bit of homework y?
(19:02:48) Stiebel: nvm, jus lookin for someting to do
(19:02:54) Stiebel: my plans just got canceled
(19:03:09) himynameisevan13: ooo...a lady??
(19:04:17) Stiebel: haha, actually, neil banerjee
(19:04:17) Stiebel: lol

RyokoPorter (2:49:16 PM): try trick or treating in your dorm...see what happens
MagikMaker85 (2:49:37 PM): lol
MagikMaker85 (2:49:46 PM): maybe I'll get condoms O:-)
RyokoPorter (2:49:54 PM): lmao
RyokoPorter (2:49:58 PM): or pot
RyokoPorter (2:50:19 PM): i got cocaine covered twizzlers once

Meghan6789: patrick ratliff is voting for bush
Meghan6789: is that sick or what
Meghan6789: anyone who loves women as much as he should should at least vote in the interest of women
Meghan6789: sex too!

StevenZook (11:36:38 PM): like a midget at a urinal, i knew i was going to have to stay on my toes

(00:50:38) Jeremy Linden: Oh...what help do you need and when/how can I provide it?
(00:51:21) Amanda Price: well i have an exam next week and i don't understand like the last two chapters
(00:51:25) Jeremy Linden: OK.
(00:51:39) Amanda Price: and i don't speak chinese so seeing a gsi will do nothing

banerfee (7:33:40 PM): Is it bad that I moan with pleasure when drinking chocolate milk?

Meghan6789 (3:04:30 AM): i like this boyyy
Meghan6789 (3:04:30 AM): and he is so cutteeee
Meghan6789 (3:04:32 AM): and i made out with him a lot
Meghan6789 (3:04:39 AM): cause i'm such a good smith girl
Meghan6789 (3:04:54 AM): and i'm not a lesbian!
Meghan6789 (3:04:56 AM): this proves it
Meghan6789 (3:06:34 AM): still, i'm happy to report that i went to a lesbian college and found men!
Meghan6789 (3:06:54 AM): and that should be the end quote to my series of lesbian quotes on your quotes page

Meghan6789 (10:57:39 PM): ok so i'm reading plato and i get this one fantastic quote i thought you and stiebel would enjoy:
Meghan6789 (10:58:28 PM): "The necessity will be sexual and not mathematical, he said; but sex is perhaps more effective than mathematics when it comes to persuading or driving the common man to do anythiing.
Meghan6789 (10:58:46 PM): Socrates is right on something!

spark eternity: would you still hug me if i didn't smell so good?
banerfee: of course
banerfee: that's why I don't know why you shower

JohDHJ (9:36:14 PM): I never knew counterfeiting was so rampant that the treasury would issue money designed by Queer Eye for the Straight Guy gang.

Jeremy31337: Ah...well it's time for me to bring some booty back home to 4263!
Jeremy31337: I'll get my wheelbarrow.

banerfee: yo

Auto response from SUSH ig UP: i am playing frisbee and it is taking up the whole screen.

(22:38:53) Stefan: yea, youre a failure dude
(22:39:08) Stefan: i dont even know why you get up in the morning
(22:39:20) Stiebel: to pee

Meghan6789 (6:54:19 PM): the first thing you learn here is that sexuality is pretty fluid
Meghan6789 (6:54:25 PM): no one is 100% straight
banerfee (6:54:29 PM): Of course.
Meghan6789 (6:55:03 PM): and i can tell you that though i can say that girls are hot, i have no interest in any sexual relationship with any women
banerfee (6:55:13 PM): *sigh* Well, nobody's perfect.

banerfee (6:53:16 PM): Got your postcard
banerfee (6:53:20 PM): I appreciated the design:-P
banerfee (6:53:29 PM): Although the fact that you remained straight was somewhat disappointing
Meghan6789 (6:53:29 PM): yay! i thought it was cute
Meghan6789 (6:53:33 PM): sorry
Meghan6789 (6:53:48 PM): upperclassmen are still placing bets on who'll go gay be christmas
banerfee (6:53:48 PM): If you were really my friend, you'd have sex with women and tell me all about it

Meghan6789 (10:09:13 PM): did you know that david stiebel im'ed my roommate to tell her that he was the guy who got me pregnant and she yelled into the hall when i was outside with a ton of my friends "meg, i'm talking to the guy who knocked you up"

banerfee (6:24:10 PM): I'm sorry.
Blind3Eye (6:24:18 PM): youre sorry??
banerfee (6:24:20 PM): Yeah.
Blind3Eye (6:24:23 PM): haha for what?
banerfee (6:24:31 PM): For stealing your boyfriend. Apparently he fell madly in love with me when I invited him to GMail.

banerfee (12:23:26 AM): Is it bad that I really, really like the taste of my fluoride rinse and I wish I could make a drink out of it?

SUSH ig UP (4:18:43 PM): wouldnt that be funny
SUSH ig UP (4:18:50 PM): if they listened to your voicemail
banerfee (4:19:08 PM): You need ####
banerfee (4:19:11 PM): 4digit password
SUSH ig UP (4:19:29 PM): why????
SUSH ig UP (4:19:33 PM): mine isnt on password
SUSH ig UP (4:19:39 PM): no one cares for your gay voicemails
SUSH ig UP (4:19:43 PM): so no one ever goes n listens
banerfee (4:19:46 PM): Default for ATT Wireless
banerfee (4:21:34 PM): Besides, keeps people out of things they don't want to hear
banerfee (4:21:40 PM): Nobody wants to hear your mom begging me to come back and do her again

rajaholick (4:26:10 PM): i hear tom potti uses jack daniels for mouthwash

SUSH ig UP (4:17:02 PM): are you masturbating?
SUSH ig UP (4:17:05 PM): thats really good
SUSH ig UP (4:17:09 PM): sorry wrong window

a g0od man (10:42:06 AM): I'd be happy to trade your ticket for mine
a g0od man (10:42:35 AM): [row 90, section 28, and proximity to stephanie kraweic are its advantages over yours]

Jeremy31337 (5:44:16 PM): What's funny is that the person ended up not having any cash on the guys gave the wallet back.
Jeremy31337 (5:44:33 PM): I guess they learned their lesson trying to rob students.
banerfee (5:45:01 PM): Hahahaha
banerfee (5:45:11 PM): They should have stolen her MCard and used Entree Plus to buy things.
Jeremy31337 (5:45:15 PM): LOL.
Jeremy31337 (5:45:23 PM): That probably would have been slightly suspicious.
Jeremy31337 (5:45:29 PM): As your photo is on your MCard.
banerfee (5:45:30 PM): Vending machine.
Jeremy31337 (5:45:35 PM): True.
Jeremy31337 (5:45:41 PM): You could buy a lot of cheetos.
banerfee (5:45:44 PM): If she had Entree Plus, there'd be around $100
banerfee (5:45:48 PM): Which is a lot of cheetos and pop

banerfee (5:29:33 PM): I might be going to AIO's party
Jeremy31337 (5:29:39 PM): Indian frat?
banerfee (5:29:41 PM): Yeah
Jeremy31337 (5:29:59 PM): I went there once and felt too uncomfortable...probably won't want to go again.
banerfee (5:30:06 PM): ...were you the only white guy?
Jeremy31337 (5:30:10 PM): Basically yeah.
banerfee (5:30:13 PM): Did they have black light dancing?
banerfee (5:30:20 PM): Because you probably looked like a glowing beacon

JohDHJ (11:55:16 PM): You know.. if you want to get rid of the [random drunk girls in my room]...
JohDHJ (11:55:57 PM): You could say, "hey, before you guys can stay the night, I'm legally required to tell you that I'm a registered sex offender. I have this compulsion where I stay up masturbating while staring at girls while they sleep"

oddilks (6:15:44 PM): If you had bought $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00. With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left. Now, had you bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is my new retirement program. I call it my 401Keg program.

SUSH ig UP (6:08:05 PM): wait a fucking, wait a fucking second
SUSH ig UP (6:08:07 PM): are you shitting me?
banerfee (6:08:31 PM): no shitting
banerfee (6:08:43 PM): well that's not true, I was shitting earlier. but that was in the bathroom and it wasn't for you

MagikMaker85 (7:10:39 PM): Is it bad that I want to kill my suitemates?
banerfee (7:10:43 PM): No.
MagikMaker85 (7:10:52 PM): Oh good, 'cause I just might...
banerfee (7:10:55 PM): It is bad if you write that out in pig's blood on their walls.
MagikMaker85 (7:11:01 PM): oh
MagikMaker85 (7:11:04 PM): damn
MagikMaker85 (7:11:07 PM): that sounds fun

FirstMilBy21 (7:15:36 PM): and i have narcolepsy
banerfee (7:15:44 PM): You do not have narcolepsy.
FirstMilBy21 (7:15:50 PM): not kidding
FirstMilBy21 (7:15:59 PM): i saw the doctor on thursday
FirstMilBy21 (7:16:00 PM): she says i might
banerfee (7:16:10 PM): Wow.
banerfee (7:16:16 PM): So you just randomly fall asleep?
FirstMilBy21 (7:16:36 PM): when i read
FirstMilBy21 (7:16:45 PM): i cant make it past more than a page
FirstMilBy21 (7:16:46 PM): and i'm out
banerfee (7:17:02 PM): Maybe you're just illiterate. That's a common trait of a mathematician.

Emmie5492 (1:27:47 AM): i am NOT a slut
Emmie5492 (1:27:52 AM): i'm just rather unlucky

Emmie5492 (1:20:20 AM): i feel so smart right now
Emmie5492 (1:20:49 AM): at least i didn't just swallow a staple and assume i could dissolve it with pop like this guy i just talked to

banerfee: If you were really my friend, you'd have sex with women and tell me all about it.

Wickywoo II (1:53:32 PM): I think Stiebel is taking over your quotes page
banerfee (1:53:42 PM): You're clearly not contributing enough.
Wickywoo II (1:54:22 PM): *sigh* Maybe I'm just not Jewish enough
banerfee (1:55:00 PM): Guess you'll have to go ahead and chop the whole thing off.
Wickywoo II (1:55:35 PM): I don't think your mom would like that very much.
banerfee (1:55:59 PM): I doubt any woman would notice the difference, to tell you the truth.
Wickywoo II (1:56:17 PM): I have no responce
banerfee (1:56:36 PM): I could barely come up with one, to tell you the truth.
Wickywoo II (1:56:52 PM): Well, you're less jewish than me
banerfee (1:59:34 PM): That's true.
banerfee (1:59:39 PM): *glances down affectionately* Yeah, it's all there.
Wickywoo II (2:00:16 PM): Glances? Don't you mean, like, *Stares down intently with magnifying glass*
banerfee (2:00:42 PM): Stop being so narrowminded. Just because you need one it doesn't mean the rest of us do.
Wickywoo II (2:01:04 PM): I hate it when you win.
banerfee (2:01:31 PM): You should be used to it by now.
Wickywoo II (2:01:52 PM): Yeah, yeah

Zkaiztiz 0n1ien (7:32:29 PM): paul isn't with you is he?
Jeremy31337 (7:32:38 PM): No, not right now.
Jeremy31337 (7:32:41 PM): He was with me last night.

banerfee (11:59:27 PM): Have you seen Office Space?
FirstMilBy21 (11:59:33 PM): of course
FirstMilBy21: Have you ever seen Your Mom In Bed (The Sequel)?
FirstMilBy21: You don't want to see it. It blows

FirstMilBy21: wow, thats cool. i'm drinking from a clear plastic cup and i can see the monitor in the reflection
FirstMilBy21: its like exactly flipped, and rotated 90 degrees
banerfee: That's always cool
FirstMilBy21: and like, really really crisp and clear
banerfee: 90 degrees...interesting.
banerfee: I imagine it's distorted, though.
FirstMilBy21: not blurry at all
FirstMilBy21: which is cool
FirstMilBy21: nope
FirstMilBy21: its actually perfect
FirstMilBy21: tahts what was so cool
FirstMilBy21: wanna come over and see?
banerfee: Sure, I'll sneak out to look at your plastic cup.
FirstMilBy21: Rebel!
banerfee: Yeah, sure.
FirstMilBy21: your parents catch you and are like "where were you going?"
FirstMilBy21: 'to stiebels to look at a plastic cup'
FirstMilBy21: parents: "that stiebel. he was always up to no good."
banerfee: lol
banerfee: Worst sneak-out reason ever
FirstMilBy21: Definitely
FirstMilBy21: haha
FirstMilBy21: Best reason to quote ever
FirstMilBy21: give or take a few hundred quotes that would be considered better

banerfee: What's your major?
banerfee: planned major
Elephant3033: officially, linguistics
Elephant3033: realistically, no idea
banerfee: My girlfriend seriously considered linguistics
banerfee: Then she realized that people only speak English anymore, and switched her major to that

Meghan6789 (10:37:39 PM): geez, all you gotta do is give the book to her
banerfee (10:37:50 PM): she'll have one on the spot
Meghan6789 (10:37:53 PM): yup
Meghan6789 (10:37:55 PM): BOOM
Meghan6789 (10:39:12 PM): eww you can buy it used
Meghan6789 (10:39:20 PM): who would want a used sex help book?
Meghan6789 (10:39:26 PM): like, they were reading while doing
Meghan6789 (10:42:43 PM): This book offers a cunning cunnilinguist manifesto, cites Marx, Rabelais, Kundera, Taosim, Shakespeare and Nabokov for the literary lover, has precise drawings for the curious cunnilinguist and even a cheat sheet for the harried lover. What have you to lose from reading a book on pleasuring a woman? Your innocence?
banerfee (10:43:00 PM): ..Marx?
Meghan6789 (10:43:07 PM): hmm
Meghan6789 (10:43:11 PM): spreading the wealth?
banerfee (10:43:18 PM): Spreading something.
Meghan6789 (10:43:43 PM): equal distribution
banerfee (10:43:54 PM): I suppose
Meghan6789 (10:47:04 PM): neil are you sexually ill-cliterate?
banerfee (10:47:13 PM): LOL
Meghan6789 (10:47:22 PM): viva la vulva!!
banerfee (10:49:17 PM): The things these people come up with
Meghan6789 (10:49:20 PM): i know!

banerfee (10:08:24 PM): Well, I suppose I can pencil you into my busy busy schedule.
banerfee (10:08:37 PM): Right between "incessant boredom" and "impending coma"

Meghan6789 (10:05:24 PM): what are you gonna do with manisha in new york?
banerfee (10:05:50 PM): I've been doing wrist exercise in preparation

blizzard1286 (9:52:58 PM): i wanna feed my essay to a goat
blizzard1286 (9:53:09 PM): probably deserves to be chewed
blizzard1286 (9:53:15 PM): and then pooped out
banerfee (9:53:21 PM): And then eaten by the same goat.
blizzard1286 (9:53:34 PM): quoted...yet?
banerfee (9:55:06 PM): ...doubt it.
blizzard1286 (9:55:13 PM): come on!
blizzard1286 (9:55:16 PM): fine
blizzard1286 (9:55:19 PM): ill continue the convo
blizzard1286 (9:55:29 PM): and then spat back out again
blizzard1286 (9:55:42 PM): for the youngings to eat
blizzard1286 (9:55:52 PM): whts the term called? regurgitation?
banerfee (9:55:55 PM): Yeah.
blizzard1286 (9:56:27 PM): now am i quoted
banerfee (9:57:16 PM): I'll think about it.
blizzard1286 (9:58:01 PM): omg
blizzard1286 (9:58:10 PM): steibel alwyas gets quoted
blizzard1286 (9:58:13 PM): and im prettier than him
blizzard1286 (9:58:18 PM): hes looks like a cow
blizzard1286 (9:58:43 PM): actually he doesnt, he nowhere nearly ressembles a cow
blizzard1286 (9:58:46 PM): but still

Elephant3033: i'm surprised so many people are becoming engineers; i thought there would be less demand for those that drive trains nowadays
banerfee: You shouldn't be prejudiced like that. Amtrak might be terrible, but the east coast has Acela, which I hear is excellent.
Elephant3033: all aboard, then
banerfee: toot toot

FirstMilBy21 (3:46:31 PM): so what are you doing tonite
banerfee (3:48:13 PM): Grad party and then hanging out w/Manisha
FirstMilBy21 (3:48:28 PM): hot
FirstMilBy21 (3:48:38 PM): the grad party, not manisha
FirstMilBy21 (3:48:46 PM): wait, that came out mean
FirstMilBy21 (3:48:52 PM): manisha is hot
banerfee (3:48:57 PM):'re done.
FirstMilBy21 (3:51:22 PM): ok, shes not hot in that sense
FirstMilBy21 (3:51:31 PM): cuz i dont wanna give you the impresion that i'd hit that
banerfee (3:51:35 PM): I appreciate your effort
banerfee (3:51:40 PM): I mean, you're trying hard and I respect that
FirstMilBy21 (3:51:41 PM): but i would hit that
banerfee (3:51:43 PM): But let's just move on
FirstMilBy21 (3:51:46 PM): if it was hittable

banerfee: Sementics. Irrelevant differences of ejaculate.

FirstMilBy21 (2:22:14 AM): nice job neil
FirstMilBy21 (2:22:16 AM): mazel tov
banerfee (2:22:28 AM): You're welcome.

banerfee (8:44:03 PM): Installed software that should let me receive phone calls while I'm online
FirstMilBy21 (8:44:40 PM): kinky

Coming home from Java Hutt at ~2:00AM...
Jeremy: Paul, I can feel that on my ass.

A little while later...
Paul: I'm very possessive of my seats.
Neil: Seats rhymes with feets.
Paul: Feets isn't a word.
Goodman: Yes, it is. referring to "feats"
Paul: Fuck you, Goodman.

JohDHJ: I want to move to Sweden now. Look at what the royal family's daughter looks like!
JohDHJ: she's hot!
banerfee: Wow
banerfee: I'd tap that
banerfee: both ways and backwards
JohDHJ: not bad for an inbred!
banerfee: Not at all
banerfee: Too bad she's hemophilic
banerfee: Break her hymen and she'll bleed to death

banerfee: She did get me a plastic cow. I think that counts as a dowry.
JohDHJ: I'd hold out for a 12 piece bucket of wings, myself. JohDHJ: but then again, I'm a food man.
banerfee: The bucket of wings is temporal
banerfee: Left to its own devices in a landfill...plastic lasts forever
banerfee: Oh, man, that's the ultimate comeback to a girl saying "diamonds are forever"
banerfee: "Actually, so is plastic."

Wickywoo II (11:30:12 AM): I lost my DDR virginity today
banerfee (11:30:17 AM): lol
banerfee (11:30:19 AM): Congrats.
banerfee (11:30:30 AM): Was it bad?
banerfee (11:30:33 AM): The first time often is
Wickywoo II (11:30:44 AM): yeah
Wickywoo II (11:33:10 AM): but it got better
banerfee (11:34:11 AM): Yeah
banerfee (11:34:19 AM): Once you get a rhythm going
banerfee (11:34:24 AM): You move a lot more smoothly
banerfee (11:34:29 AM): And that's good for all parties involved
Wickywoo II (11:34:49 AM): yep
Wickywoo II (11:35:18 AM): It's just the stamina thats the trouble
Wickywoo II (11:36:20 AM): And sometimes the speed
Wickywoo II (11:36:31 AM): I mean, I'm supposed to go slow, then fast, then slow again
banerfee (11:36:52 AM): Varying your speed is difficult, but it's a mark of being really good if you can do it right
Wickywoo II (11:38:37 AM): Well, maybe with more expirence
banerfee (11:38:47 AM): Right
banerfee (11:38:52 AM): I've been doing this sort of thing for a long time
banerfee (11:39:09 AM): I bought some ... accessories ... to make things more interesting
Wickywoo II (11:39:18 AM): really?
Wickywoo II (11:39:25 AM): my friend sharon uses duct tape
banerfee (11:39:34 AM): I use duct tape, plexiglas, plywood, and carpet holder
Wickywoo II (11:40:14 AM): wow
Wickywoo II (11:40:43 AM): Do you get nervous when people watch you?
Wickywoo II (11:41:59 AM): I kinda paniced
Wickywoo II (11:42:12 AM): and performed worse that I usually did
banerfee (11:43:46 AM): It's happened to me before
Wickywoo II (11:44:49 AM): Did you get used to it?
banerfee (11:45:00 AM): Yeah.
banerfee (11:45:06 AM): It's kinda fun when people watch you
Wickywoo II (11:45:42 AM): I quoted yet?

TAPOTTI (12:57:45 AM): [Prady] wants to start a business with me
banerfee (12:57:48 AM): lol
banerfee (12:57:53 AM): He wants to start a business with everyone and their sister
TAPOTTI (12:57:58 AM): haha
banerfee (12:58:09 AM): ...neither of us have sisters, thank god, because he'd sure as hell be making business propositions to them if we did.
TAPOTTI (12:58:41 AM): we're making fun of him now, just watch in like 20 years he's driving a porsche
TAPOTTI (12:58:47 AM): and we'll be speechless
banerfee (12:58:52 AM): ...yeah, chauffering me around.
TAPOTTI (12:58:55 AM): oooh
TAPOTTI (12:58:56 AM): good one
banerfee (12:59:04 AM): Thank you, thank you. I try.
TAPOTTI (12:59:06 AM): im putting that in my quotes page
TAPOTTI (12:59:11 AM): oh wait i dont have one
TAPOTTI (12:59:11 AM): damn
banerfee (12:59:16 AM): I think you're hinting at something.

Its not rape, it's surprise sex. - Micha Vardy

banerfee: Where the fuck did they come from?
Wickywoo II: are those breasts, or like, crashed spaceships of a tiny, tiny alien race
Wickywoo II: ???
banerfee: "Warp drive is failing, captain!" "Quick, land on that human female's chest! ... it looks like it could use some extra mass. And considering I'm half a centimeter tall, that says something."
Wickywoo II: hahahahahahahahaha

Joshie Zowie: People are like Transformers-- they're more than meets the eye.

angad10: it's bad enough when a drunk white guy sits next to you
angad10: it's worse with a drunk desi guy
angad10: he tries to speak two languages to you

KPU0: let me tell you . . .making out while doing math homework. . . order of magnitude better than just making out
banerfee: Hahahahaaha

FirstMilBy21 (9:57:37 PM): what can i say
FirstMilBy21 (9:57:54 PM): dilks mom just adapts
FirstMilBy21 (9:58:16 PM): her square hole just stretches to fit my circle peg

FirstMilBy21 (9:42:59 PM): why wasnt i invited to your afterparty
FirstMilBy21 (9:43:02 PM): asshole
banerfee (9:43:12 PM): Because you're Jewish.
banerfee (9:43:48 PM): ...also, you weren't in our prom group, and don't go to our school, and didn't go to our prom.
banerfee (9:43:53 PM): ...but that's a secondary consideration
FirstMilBy21 (9:44:07 PM): haha, ok then
FirstMilBy21 (9:44:27 PM): make sure you invite me to your hanukkah dance after party this year
FirstMilBy21 (9:44:35 PM): is that ok?
banerfee (9:47:06 PM): Of course
banerfee (9:48:27 PM): As if I wouldn't
banerfee (9:48:47 PM): I know you wouldn't want to miss that particular party ... everyone's gonna be there
FirstMilBy21 (9:49:15 PM): just don't serve pork foreskins this time
FirstMilBy21 (9:49:29 PM): i couldnt deal with so much evil in one little serving
banerfee (9:50:39 PM): I think the fact that they were wrapped around jumbo shrimp and dipped in milk really added to it...but fine, fine.
FirstMilBy21 (9:51:09 PM): i admire the creativity, but c'mon
banerfee (9:51:42 PM): *sigh* You really know how to kill a party.
FirstMilBy21 (9:52:14 PM): just because i tried to circumcise all the guys, ppl think i'm a party pooper
FirstMilBy21 (9:52:32 PM): i didnt know sushil was still using that knife
banerfee (9:52:34 PM): Hey, man, you go running around a party with that freaky razor thing, people get worried
FirstMilBy21 (9:52:35 PM): i thought he was done eating
FirstMilBy21 (9:53:38 PM): and just cuz i took my own thing out to use as a model, ppl think i'm a pervert
banerfee (9:53:53 PM): I think you got a bit too close for the comparisons
FirstMilBy21 (9:54:19 PM): well, sushil is only so long

blizzard1286: i was goin thru my purse
blizzard1286: and i had two tampons in there right
blizzard1286: well one of em
blizzard1286: opened in my purse
banerfee: lol
banerfee: Good for cleaning up messes, I guess
banerfee: Anything spills in there and Tampax guarantees that it won't leak through the purse
blizzard1286: EW
blizzard1286: ew ew ew ew
blizzard1286: but so true

Me: So apparently I'm a drunken, anti-Semitic terrorist.
Mrs. Day: Those are the worst kind.

Mrs. Day: The date Mount Vesuvius erupted was August 24th.
Rob: Hey, that's my birthday!
Mrs. Day: ...another disaster.

Thanks to Danni for...
"The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'" - Roy Blount, Jr.

oddilks (5:21:01 PM): If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming too high.

FirstMilBy21: sup
banerfee: Not too much...just got out of the shower
FirstMilBy21: sexy
FirstMilBy21: i mean
FirstMilBy21: nasty
FirstMilBy21: i mean
FirstMilBy21: wet
FirstMilBy21: i mean
FirstMilBy21: i have to go now
banerfee: Well, you were right, it was wet
FirstMilBy21: pervert
banerfee: Hey, don't go calling me a pervert just because I was doing Dilks' mom ... because I seem to recall you entering the room as I left ...
FirstMilBy21: LOL
banerfee: Enjoy your sloppy seconds?
FirstMilBy21: actually, thirds
banerfee: ...dammit, that makes me seconds!
banerfee: Hm. I wondered why Sushil's car was in the parking lot.
FirstMilBy21: yea
FirstMilBy21: we carpooled
FirstMilBy21: he drove so i let him go first
FirstMilBy21: you must've been pretty quick, cuz i walked in about 5 seconds after he came out
FirstMilBy21: and i didnt see you
banerfee: Oh, I went in the other entrance a bit after he did...she wanted both of us at once
banerfee: It was kinda awkward, but I was covering my eyes anyway (I always do with heR) so it was okay
FirstMilBy21: hmm....are you sure that you hit the right hole? cuz the lights were off and sushil was kinda rubbin his ass on his way out
banerfee: Dammit...that explains the deeper-pitched moans.
banerfee: ...but it couldn't have been him!
FirstMilBy21: o, and why not
banerfee: It was so loose I could have clapped my hands in there
banerfee: ...unless...
banerfee: That explains so much about him
FirstMilBy21: HAHA
FirstMilBy21: ew
FirstMilBy21: but HAHA

Wickywoo II (11:13:56 PM): Dude, I was white and semi-attractive
Wickywoo II (11:14:02 PM): I was the MathCounts stud
banerfee (11:14:17 PM): Hahaha
Wickywoo II (11:16:03 PM): I was like, "yo" and all two girls there visibly swooned
banerfee (11:16:25 PM): Hahahaha
banerfee (11:16:34 PM): It's funny that you think you were so cool
banerfee (11:16:39 PM): And it's funnier that they were actually guys
Wickywoo II (11:17:38 PM): ...
Wickywoo II (11:17:39 PM): :-(

banerfee (10:40:34 PM): So, AP US is tomorrow
banerfee (10:40:40 PM): I'm feeling a little hazy about a bit of it
banerfee (10:40:46 PM): (just 1850-1950)
banerfee (10:40:50 PM): Did anything important happen then?

banerfee: So, R Kelly IM'ed me the other day
banerfee: He was asking about buying some training bras...
banerfee: And man, oh man, was I uncomfortable!

"I hate when my mom asks how school is or who my friends are. It truly is none of her business and its about as comfortable as selling training bras to R Kelly." - Mike Cassar

From Tom's profile...
Q: How are UM and MSU students the same?
A: Both apply to UM.

Megacega (10:46:55 PM): u know, i probably should take a typing class before i graduate
banerfee (10:46:58 PM): Haha
banerfee (10:46:59 PM): Maybe.
banerfee (10:47:04 PM): Or just get some free typing software
Megacega (10:47:18 PM): i have it, but i never use it
Megacega (10:47:27 PM): is soooooo boring
Megacega (10:47:44 PM): see, there is a perfect example y i need it
banerfee (10:47:49 PM): Learning to type is really, really boring.
banerfee (10:50:08 PM): But it's useful.
banerfee (10:50:21 PM): Look at me! I'm going to college, I have a girlfriend, and my life is good...and I can credit it all to my typing skills.
Megacega (10:50:35 PM): wow
Megacega (10:50:47 PM): its that important huh?
banerfee (10:50:52 PM): Very important.
banerfee (10:51:02 PM): Chicks dig guys who can punctuate in AIM.
Megacega (10:51:28 PM): no wonder everytime i tried talking to a girl i got blocked

Megacega (10:40:58 PM): hey
Megacega (10:40:59 PM): what'
banerfee (10:41:16 PM): I'm going to assume you meant "What's up"
Megacega (10:41:17 PM): what's mary shelley's purpose in Frankenstien
banerfee (10:41:20 PM): Oh.
banerfee (10:41:21 PM): Never mind.

Some great lines from conversation with Usama...

"Lately, I really want to try ecstasy. Given the chance, I'd definitely try pot."
"Dude, I don't think they're fake...they sag like real ones."

banerfee: Haha I have one more, but it's not dirty...
MissVivianChen89: lol ok
banerfee: Do you know what Ethiopian food tastes like?
MissVivianChen89: nope
banerfee: That's funny, because, neither do they.
MissVivianChen89: ??
MissVivianChen89: i dont get it
MissVivianChen89: are they anorexics?

rajaholick (6:24:36 PM): why do i gotta wear pants to lab

FirstMilBy21: what is a good prank to play on the seniors who are at an all nite party tonite at someones house
banerfee: Jewish Academy seniors?
FirstMilBy21: yes
FirstMilBy21: they have a skip day tomorrow
FirstMilBy21: and they are having an all nite party at one of the seniors houses tonite
FirstMilBy21: i was thinking ordering a bunch of pizzas to their house
banerfee: Okay, start opening those spam messages that say "grow back your foreskin," order several bottles of pills, and spike the punch with it.
FirstMilBy21: hahaha

SUshigUP (6:28:41 PM): garls are totalphags
SUshigUP (6:28:59 PM): they like you to say "oh i likea your eyeses and your pantses are ever so nice looking with those sparkals."

Alaskrod: like 50 talks about the nypd
Alaskrod: sharms talks about the fbi
Alaskrod: shot his computer 9 times

banerfee: Your women are difficult to understand.
banerfee: The ones here all make sense.

oddilks (9:24:27 PM): it was amazing, and out of nowhere
banerfee (9:25:39 PM): ...dammit. I'm losing my touch.
banerfee (9:25:44 PM): I'm trying to tie that into Stiebel's sister
banerfee (9:25:46 PM): But I just can't.

(14:40:10) oddilks: what are you trying to open?
(14:40:18) hornethockeystar: two .wps files
(14:40:40) hornethockeystar: apparently the .wps stands for worthless piece of shit

oddilks: the only hard part [of AP Stats] is remembering to write all the bs conditions
oddilks: I like to pretend I'm writing for a retarded monkey
banerfee: Like an IM convo w/Stiebel
oddilks: or a love letter to his sister
banerfee: You got it.

JohDHJ (7:58:56 PM): Do you speak black?
banerfee (7:59:15 PM): Sometimes
JohDHJ (7:59:25 PM): I'm taking a course in it.
JohDHJ (7:59:34 PM): It's very rich and culturally diverse.
JohDHJ (7:59:37 PM): for example:
JohDHJ (7:59:39 PM): "fo shizzle ma nizzle" is a bastardization of "fo' sheezy mah neezy" which is a bastardization of "for sure mah nigga" which is a bastdardization of "I concur with you whole heartedly my African American brother"
banerfee (7:59:53 PM): Hahahah
JohDHJ (8:00:06 PM): quotable? ;-)
banerfee (8:00:31 PM): If only because I haven't gotten many Quotes lately...sure.

BrainsNoBeauty: i'm bored
SUshigUP: go buy condoms
SUshigUP: see
SUshigUP: that is a challenge
SUshigUP: i need to
BrainsNoBeauty: haha
SUshigUP: but i just fucking cant
BrainsNoBeauty: lol
SUshigUP: its really hard
BrainsNoBeauty: cuz your indian?
SUshigUP: theres a lot of choices first of all
SUshigUP: then you have to buy them and the cashier gives you this "oh i know what youre gonna be doing look"
BrainsNoBeauty: yea
BrainsNoBeauty: i hate that look
BrainsNoBeauty: i get that look whenever i buy milk or eggs
SUshigUP: but for me
SUshigUP: sadly
SUshigUP: the cashier goes "who are these for?"
SUshigUP: ahah
BrainsNoBeauty: LOL

KPU0 (10:54:29 PM): If Lenin doesn't make you want to transfer. . . we also have leninade
KPU0 (10:54:51 PM): get hammered & sickled!

BrainsNoBeauty: wat ever happened to our limericks about dilks mom
banerfee: I don't know.
banerfee: I'm sure they're around somewhere.
BrainsNoBeauty: u feel like makin one up right now?
BrainsNoBeauty: dilks mom, bologna, and tuna
A Bologna Sandwich tastes nice
Add Pepper and Salt for some spice,
But the best food to mooch,
Is Dilks' Mom's cooch,
Tastes like tuna, but watch out for lice

Belsaros: Why do I need self-respect? Self-respect doesn't get you orgasms.

Prady: "I've always wanted to try Ecstasy."

Prady: "I go to the KKK web site all the time."

banerfee: That's statutory rape
frrrappuccino: lol whatever.. the free coffee made me happy

Wickywoo II: "The Prince and Me" is a movie featuring Julia Styles dating another non-wasp guy. This time, it's the prince of Denmark. This looks like a bad movie, IMO. Did you notice the bad grammar in the title?
banerfee: Not necessarily.
banerfee: Suppose it's simply the last part of
banerfee: "My Mother Raped, Murdered, and Devoured the Prince and Me"
Wickywoo II: mmm
Wickywoo II: good point

banerfee: A guy named Saltsman or something
Elephant3033: yeah salty bob saltsman
banerfee: If I were a porn star
banerfee: I'd expect to work with someone named that.

Neil: "So, did you know that [student's name removed] is apparently a sex offender?"
Meghan: "Really?! But he was always so nice to me..."

Crossfire1987: strwbrys8604 (9:11:46 PM): but who really needs gravity?
banerfee (9:11:56 PM): Anyone having sex.

Crossfire1987: thats a fallacy
Crossfire1987: bond proved that in moonraker

"Stoichiometry: a fancy way of multiplying by 1." - ZLainX's profile

banerfee: banerfee: Except I've been peeing like crazy since I've been drinking insane amounts of water
DTE 1286: thats a noble thing to do

BrainsNoBeauty (18:28:22): so what's your mom's favorite position?
Auto response from oddilks (18:28:22): lying down, or something
BrainsNoBeauty (18:28:35): i concur
BrainsNoBeauty (18:29:33): i have visual evidence (i.e. photos, video tapes) in case anyone believes otherwise

BrainsNoBeauty: I GOT SOME!!!!
KPU0: wha?
KPU0: congrats
BrainsNoBeauty: i went on this youth group trip to New york, and on the way there, i got real close with this girl, and on the way back, i got a hj
KPU0: well I'm sold. . . what youth group and what religion do I have to join?
BrainsNoBeauty: haha
BrainsNoBeauty: haha, actually, its kind of ironic
BrainsNoBeauty: its a jewish youth group, so if you want to get a hand job, you have to cut off your penis
BrainsNoBeauty: HAHA

oddilks: MMPC #1, here I come!
banerfee: Hold on there, partner
banerfee: Just because ARML is canceled it doesn't mean that reality as a whole has been suspended
oddilks: damn
oddilks: further planning will be required, then
banerfee: Although that...would be kind of nice
banerfee: Considering that reality's got me firmly fenced into the "virgin" box.
oddilks: my virginity is trapped in the Lock Box, for God's sake
banerfee: I won't argue with that:-P

dashka15 (5:11:18 PM): just once i want to eavesdrop on a conversation here (MIT) and not hear the letters x or y

frrrappuccino: so yeah beyonce looked really pretty and sounded good [at the Grammy's].. haha read this
frrrappuccino: S Yzerman019: god.. how long can u stretch the word love
frrrappuccino: haha
S Yzerman019: i like forgot what word she was saying half way thru it

banerfee: As long as we still have gravity, Newton will live
strwbrys8604: but who really needs gravity?
banerfee: Anyone having sex.

strwbrys8604 (9:11:46 PM): but who really needs gravity?
banerfee (9:11:56 PM): Anyone having sex.

In response to Rappaport's rather pathetic burp...
"David, if you're going to belch in class, at least make it worth our while." - Ms. Rabourn

spark eternity (9:28:06 PM): i love that the "Bush 2004 Campaign Pledges To Restore Honor And Dignity To White House" is written in the most serious tone ever
banerfee (9:28:10 PM): Yes!
banerfee (9:28:14 PM): It's sooooo good!
spark eternity (9:28:40 PM): it's mockery at its cleverest
spark eternity (9:28:51 PM): make bush sound articulate and the people will Know it's satire
banerfee (9:29:10 PM): hahaha

banerfee (9:16:03 PM): I don't suppose you remember anything of use that might help with my app?
Sir Katen (9:17:26 PM): i remember writing an objectivist essay that jeremy might have been proud of, because i wasn't taking the app very seriously, but i guess some immigration/overcoming childhood illness essays helped balance it out
banerfee (9:17:40 PM): Hmmm
banerfee (9:17:58 PM): I wonder if they'd ask me to substantiate my claims of leukemia and extensive chemotherapy.

RerhufRed (9:02:00 PM): for some reason, i really want yale now
banerfee (9:02:14 PM): Eh
banerfee (9:02:22 PM): You'll get better alcohol at Dartmouth
RerhufRed (9:03:21 PM): ya i don't really no fun for me
banerfee (9:03:25 PM): I see.
banerfee (9:03:29 PM): Actually
banerfee (9:03:37 PM): I've heard that being the only sober person in a room full of drunkards is a hell of a lot of fun
RerhufRed (9:03:47 PM): really? hm...

BwhatURlike: maybe i'll just drop out of college and work the streets
banerfee: I'd buy your services.
banerfee: Once a day and twice on Fridays.

"The Sci-Fi Channel is ... like ... alien porn." - Manisha

DTE 1286 (11:48:42 PM): ...and dream abt u being naked
DTE 1286 (11:48:44 PM): OOPS
banerfee (11:48:47 PM): Hahaha
banerfee (11:48:51 PM): It's okay, everyone does
banerfee (11:48:58 PM): Better me naked than Sushil's pen0s
DTE 1286 (11:49:12 PM): yeah, thats a nightmare
DTE 1286 (11:49:14 PM): not a dream
banerfee (11:49:25 PM): hahahahaha!

himynameisevan13: whats an idiom??
BrainsNoBeauty: i think its like a phrase or sentence that isnt right
himynameisevan13: oo thanx
BrainsNoBeauty: like, "rachel and me had sex on the beach"
himynameisevan13: oo
BrainsNoBeauty: thats an idiom cuz it should be "Rachel and I had sex on the beach all night long"
himynameisevan13: gross
BrainsNoBeauty: lol

Note: BNB got the definition of an idiom wrong.

SUshigUP (9:29:52 PM): my pen0s is bigger than your house
SUshigUP (9:30:02 PM): your house is on my pen0s
SUshigUP (9:30:11 PM): my pen0s has three area codes
SUshigUP (9:30:17 PM): and a nasa startower on the top
SUshigUP (9:30:29 PM): my pen0s feeds 3 homeless families of 4 each year
SUshigUP (9:30:34 PM): my pen0s is shelter in the desert
banerfee (9:30:48 PM): Your pen0s will get you into Harvard if it does all that.
SUshigUP (9:32:47 PM): Harvard? oh you mean my pen0s
SUshigUP (9:32:49 PM): theyre the same thing
banerfee (9:33:07 PM): You're telling me I had to apply to get into your pen0s?
SUshigUP (9:33:11 PM): my pen0s is bigger than rodney's afro
SUshigUP (9:33:26 PM): my pen0s has its own gravitational field
banerfee (9:33:51 PM): That explains why things kept floating around near you.
SUshigUP (9:35:09 PM): my pen0s has a legion of pen0s trained to kill underwater frogmen
banerfee (9:35:16 PM): hahahahahahahaha
banerfee (9:35:17 PM): LOL
banerfee (9:35:19 PM): I'm convulsing
banerfee (9:35:22 PM): because of your pen0s
banerfee (9:35:25 PM): and fthe formen
banerfee (9:35:27 PM): *frogmen
SUshigUP (9:35:46 PM): but underwater is really just another state of pen0s so i dont know

Su sHIg uP (8:20:35 PM): my sperm can decapitate a man
Su sHIg uP (8:20:39 PM): so say the dolphins...
Su sHIg uP (8:20:42 PM): fucking dolphins!
Su sHIg uP (8:20:44 PM): (: (: (:
banerfee (8:20:47 PM): Haha
Su sHIg uP (8:22:26 PM): yeah abby told me dolphin ejaculate can decapitate a man
banerfee (8:22:33 PM): No
banerfee (8:22:35 PM): Not true
Su sHIg uP (8:22:37 PM): and then debbie lai told me that the navy trained dolphins to kill frogmen in water
banerfee (8:22:54 PM): They did train dolphins to defuse underwater mines
banerfee (8:23:01 PM): They could probably kill frogmen as well
Su sHIg uP (8:23:25 PM): so i'm like shit cumming dolphins decapitation

3=> ~~~~ =-O

               / \

banerfee (8:23:33 PM): Hahahaha
banerfee (8:23:44 PM): Except it's more like
banerfee (8:23:52 PM): 3==============>
banerfee (8:23:54 PM): And it's prehensile
Su sHIg uP (8:25:14 PM):
banerfee (8:25:20 PM): Better!
Su sHIg uP (8:25:31 PM): the squiggles represent prehensile like my thumbs biotech
Su sHIg uP (8:25:35 PM): i mean biotch
banerfee (8:25:49 PM): Biotech
banerfee (8:25:50 PM): hahahaha

banerfee (2:02:12 AM): Hope you wake up with your genitals intact.
lotus 7337 (2:02:19 AM): hope you do too
lotus 7337 (2:02:20 AM): 'night
banerfee (2:02:21 AM): Thanks
banerfee (2:02:22 AM): 'night

banerfee (10:08:40 PM): Have you ever laughed at how amusing it is that personal digital assistants and public displays of affection are both referred to as PDAs?
Blind3Eye (10:08:47 PM): hahahhhhahahahah
Blind3Eye (10:08:48 PM): no.

DJ says: But I've noticed that Asian women do NOT age well.
DJ says: I think asian women just let themselves go after marriage
DJ says: which is a pity.
Neil says: Often the same with Indian women
DJ says: This is why you date Asians and you marry a white girl
Neil says: lol

Elephant3033: apparently they went on a cruise
Elephant3033: and John Jay kept trying to get into the ship's dance clubs, yelling "i gotta dance, i gotta dance!"
Elephant3033: whenever anyone tried to stop him, he closed his eyes and responded with "no, but i gotta dance!"

Su sHIg uP: what is up my fellow man
BrainsNoBeauty: you are
BrainsNoBeauty: how's life treating you
Su sHIg uP: its good
Su sHIg uP: i got a full wallet
Su sHIg uP: full stomach
Su sHIg uP: erect penis
Su sHIg uP: etc.
BrainsNoBeauty: hold up, is your wallet full because you're talking to me?
Su sHIg uP: no
BrainsNoBeauty: ok, just checking
BrainsNoBeauty: because i have that effect on some men
BrainsNoBeauty: they see me and BAM, their wallet just fills up
Su sHIg uP: well my wallet isnt full because of you
Su sHIg uP: my stomach isnt full because of you
Su sHIg uP: but...
Su sHIg uP: the third part might be your fault
Su sHIg uP: *giggle*
BrainsNoBeauty: aw shucks

BwhatURlike (8:29:29 PM): or hes fucking other girls
BwhatURlike (8:29:38 PM): but it might be the first one
BwhatURlike (8:30:16 PM): wanna get drunk with me?
banerfee (8:30:21 PM): Do you have any reason to believe that he----whaaaat?
BwhatURlike (8:30:29 PM): hahahah
BwhatURlike (8:30:31 PM): hahahahahahahahha

banerfee (11:50:31 PM): I have faith in you
banerfee (11:51:01 PM): You're one step above the average bear.
DTE 1286 (11:51:13 PM): awww thanks neil
DTE 1286 (11:51:24 PM): and ur one step above the avg kangaroo
DTE 1286 (11:51:30 PM): ...fucking kangaroos
banerfee (11:51:33 PM): RAAAAAO!!!

DTE 1286 (1:39:49 PM): mudit has a date today
DTE 1286 (1:41:28 PM): im exicted for him
banerfee (1:41:43 PM): Make sure he has protection on him
DTE 1286 (1:42:05 PM): oh yeah
DTE 1286 (1:42:10 PM): cuz we all know mudit
banerfee (1:42:10 PM): There's nothing as awkward as having a girl who wants to do you and no condoms in sight
DTE 1286 (1:42:16 PM): hes such a horny guy
banerfee (1:42:20 PM): Are you kidding? he's the M-Udit
banerfee (1:42:32 PM): He's unstoppable among the ladies
DTE 1286 (1:42:50 PM): he puts the M in piMp

"My nose is acting ... nasal." - Aditi

banerfee (11:56:09 PM): Quantum interference is my bitch
banerfee (11:56:18 PM): I'm just like "What up, photon? What up NOW?"
banerfee (11:56:27 PM): And it's like "Please, please, don't make me exist in two places at once"
banerfee (11:56:28 PM): And I'm like
banerfee (11:56:40 PM): "Oh, yeah, bitch, you'll exist where I want you to until I measure you and you collapse down to one state"

egonomadic (9:24:02 PM): i wish i bought some crabs for myself.
egonomadic (9:24:08 PM): i would make us race them together.
egonomadic (9:24:10 PM): or something.
banerfee (9:24:19 PM): Haha
banerfee (9:24:21 PM): Go buy us some crabs
banerfee (9:24:27 PM): You know how I love crabs.
egonomadic (9:24:38 PM): yeah, crabs are choice
egonomadic (9:24:49 PM): crabs are probably my favorite.
banerfee (9:25:09 PM): Crabs are totally awesome.
banerfee (9:25:12 PM): Everyone should have crabs.
egonomadic (9:25:39 PM): agreed. i hope christmas eve comes soon so i can stop debating whether or not i want to get rid of my crabs. i don't know if jeff deserves crabs as awesome as these.
banerfee (9:26:23 PM): I'm glad that you two are ready to share your crabs.
egonomadic (9:26:38 PM): they are love crabs, neil. love crabs.

egonomadic (12:25:19 PM): because i am awesome.
banerfee (12:25:39 PM): In bed.
egonomadic (12:25:53 PM): i suck in bed! which is why i'm great.
egonomadic (12:25:57 PM): ..whoa
egonomadic (12:26:01 PM): that was a total accident.
banerfee (12:26:26 PM): Hahahahahahahahahahaha
banerfee (12:26:28 PM): Oh, my
banerfee (12:26:30 PM): That was glorious

CullyUU (10:16:53 PM): anyway, there was no lemon juice left at Kristen's house by the time we got there, and Will was smelling the bottle and squeezing it...he was like, "It's lemonade in gas's like the lemonade the astronauts use"
CullyUU (10:17:21 PM): "astronaut...astronade...lemonaut..."

"Porn's not supposed to be realistic. You want realism, go have desperate mediocre sex with someone average-looking." - Karen

banerfee (10:01:50 PM): Okay, here's what you want to do. The first thing she'll do is go for the knee-to-the-balls.
banerfee (10:02:00 PM): So wear a cup ... but not any cup
banerfee (10:02:15 PM): Have several spikes protruding out of it (and I repeat OUT of it not INTO it)
MagikMaker85 (10:02:22 PM): lol
MagikMaker85 (10:02:32 PM): *reads intently*
banerfee (10:02:50 PM): And if she doesn't see it coming (and there's no way she could), there goes her knee
banerfee (10:03:04 PM): Giving you a chance to do the only logical thing at that point: run like hell, screaming for any help you can get.
MagikMaker85 (10:03:13 PM): lol
MagikMaker85 (10:03:18 PM): run fast
Belsaros (10:06:08 PM): well, I'm very good at running away screaming like a girl...
Belsaros (10:06:13 PM): it's my specialty
banerfee (10:06:17 PM): A valuable life-skill.

MagikMaker85 (9:58:43 PM): There once was a guy named Dan/
MagikMaker85 (9:58:53 PM): One could barely call him a man/
Belsaros (9:59:11 PM): Neil, I'll sell her to you for a quarter.....
banerfee (9:59:26 PM): Done.
banerfee (9:59:46 PM): In fact, tell you what. I'll make it an even dollar if you throw in some juicy blackmail details.
Belsaros (10:00:00 PM): I can deal with that.

Thanks to Danni for...
RyokoPorter: actually i was planing on having a calm meaningful talk, if that doesnt work and he says something bad i'll beat the crap out of him

DJ says: Damn it, if my roommates are jacking off on my computer, I think I'll have to put a password
Neil says: I'd definitely put a password on it
Neil says: Or better yet .. .!!!
Neil says: Put a jar of Vaseline near enough your computer that it would seem convenient
Neil says: ...lace it with Bengay
DJ says: HAHAHAHAHA sweet.

Referring to his XBox...
Roopman19: it treats me right, it doesnt whine, it has a power button so i can turn it off, it shuts up when i want it to, and it definitely gives a lot of excitement
Roopman19: more than i can say of any girl

banerfee (10:56:25 PM): [tells joke]
banerfee (10:56:26 PM): *rimshot*
banerfee (10:56:33 PM): Not to be confused with *rimjob*

These days you can't shake a tree without three or four engineers falling out. - Pointy-Haired Boss

banerfee (1:22:01 AM): I'm implementing a new policy of
banerfee (1:22:05 AM): Short is good.
BrainsNoBeauty (1:22:05 AM): u should make an announcement
BrainsNoBeauty (1:22:20 AM): HEre, quote this, put it at the top next to Sushils quote
BrainsNoBeauty (1:22:28 AM): Short Quotes are Good Times
BrainsNoBeauty (1:22:32 AM): or
BrainsNoBeauty (1:22:39 AM): Short Quotes are Short Times (Which are Good)
banerfee (1:23:05 AM): Sushil's position on top is sacred.
banerfee (1:23:11 AM): He's been on top for the past two and a half years.
BrainsNoBeauty (1:23:17 AM): just like dilks' mom
banerfee (1:23:21 AM): And now you think you can just jump in here with your new thing and be on top
banerfee (1:23:25 AM): Well I'll tell you something
banerfee (1:23:28 AM): It takes a lot more than that to be on top
banerfee (1:23:37 AM): ..less emphasis on "Short" first of all
BrainsNoBeauty (1:23:45 AM): i don;t want to be on top of Sushil
BrainsNoBeauty (1:23:50 AM): I want to be under him
banerfee (1:23:54 AM): But you want to be on top of everybody else?
BrainsNoBeauty (1:23:58 AM): right close under him
BrainsNoBeauty (1:24:01 AM): like, touching
banerfee (1:24:22 AM): Oy
banerfee (1:24:32 AM): I've exceeded my homoeroticism quota on the page. Else I'd Quote this.
BrainsNoBeauty (1:24:42 AM): neil
BrainsNoBeauty (1:24:56 AM): there is no such thing as too much homoeroticism
banerfee (1:25:05 AM): You just got Quoted.

banerfee (1:18:48 AM): I spent the last 12 hours working on that page.
banerfee (1:18:53 AM): But dammit, it works, and it works perfectly!
banerfee (1:19:04 AM): This pleases me.
banerfee (1:19:07 AM): Almost as much as Dilks' mom.
BrainsNoBeauty (1:19:33 AM): no, 12 hours of html gives me much more pleasure than Dilks' mom
BrainsNoBeauty (1:20:18 AM): and unlike your site, she doesn't remember my name when I come back
banerfee (1:21:14 AM): Hahaha

BrainsNoBeauty: hey there hot stuff
BrainsNoBeauty: is ur son, neil, there?
banerfee: Did you get my screenname confused with Dilks' mom again?
BrainsNoBeauty: haha
banerfee: Wow. We're good.
BrainsNoBeauty: yes, yes we are
BrainsNoBeauty: we both made crude comments about milfs at the exact same time

[removed]: wat is the farthest you've gone
KPU0: does your sister count?
[removed]: no
[removed]: but ur mom certainly does
[removed]: and ur grandma too
KPU0: ugh
[removed]: and ur dad a little bit
[removed]: but i wont mention that
[removed]: well?
KPU0: Let's just say the set is quite null
[removed]: haha, u no someone's never gotten any when they answer the question like that
KPU0: sad isn't it?
[removed]: haha, yes
KPU0: and might I ask about you? no your sister doesn't count.
[removed]: i skipped 1st base, hit second base, and a little bit of third base
[removed]: but the last 3 years have been, as you so elegantly put it, a null set
[removed]: note that the null set symbol kind of symbolizes our inability our goal

Spectral da Mage: Man, I hate floppy dicks.
Spectral da Mage: They're too small.
Spectral da Mage: *disks
Spectral da Mage: FUCK.
ForestFireCat: lol
Spectral da Mage: I hate floppy disks.
ForestFireCat: LMAO
ForestFireCat: they are too small?
Spectral da Mage: I'm trying to transfer files and shit
Spectral da Mage: XD
Spectral da Mage: o8yhg08hjgtm3
ForestFireCat: Of course
Spectral da Mage: WORST.
Spectral da Mage: TYPO.
Spectral da Mage: EVER.
ForestFireCat: That's why you get them hard first

banerfee: How To Sterilize A Wild Bear
KPU0: hmmm. . . might come to use some time
banerfee: If Stiebel's mom is getting too frisky

Thanks to Shelley for ...
Homer: "That baby-proofing lady wanted to sell us plastic covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunnies on them to scare Maggie away!"
Marge: "Maggie isn't afraid of bunnies!"
Homer: "She will be..."

dashka15 (10:21:48 PM): and im eating peanut butter out of the jar
banerfee (10:22:09 PM): You're a strange person, Daria.
dashka15 (10:22:17 PM): why
banerfee (10:22:24 PM): You eat sour cream
banerfee (10:22:26 PM): You eat honey
dashka15 (10:22:29 PM): its a nice 190 calories per tablespoon
banerfee (10:22:30 PM): And you eat peanut butter
dashka15 (10:22:40 PM): honey is god's greatest gift to man
banerfee (10:22:42 PM): All of those things are well and good
until one realizes that you're eating them straight up. banerfee (10:22:44 PM): No, no
banerfee (10:22:4an class="date">12/07/03
Asheeshy06 (8:14:25 PM): When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment,When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

oddilks (4:35:56 PM): alright, stiebel is going to die now
banerfee (4:36:00 PM): Eh?
oddilks (4:36:10 PM): from the quotes page
banerfee (4:36:11 PM): Ah
banerfee (4:36:15 PM): That'll do it.
oddilks (4:36:28 PM): I think that justifies another holocaust
banerfee (4:37:03 PM): Probably, yeah.
oddilks (4:37:18 PM): but it can't be too effective
oddilks (4:37:27 PM): who would future generations have to blame stuff on?
banerfee (4:38:21 PM): Haha

KPU0 (11:48:16 PM): I have done the equivalent of bitch slapping him before. That is, he would make some statement and I proved out loud that he was wrong.

Elephant3033 (10:23:44 PM): so i hear you and joe have a sexual relationship
havoq21 (10:24:07 PM): and u know what they say
havoq21 (10:24:14 PM): a rumor starts in a kernel of truth

In reference to the above...
banerfee (10:28:35 PM): Did he abuse a metaphor there?
banerfee (10:28:39 PM): Or is he just admitting to sex?
Elephant3033 (10:28:46 PM): just admitting to sex
banerfee (10:28:51 PM): Ok...
banerfee (10:28:57 PM): It goes in
Elephant3033 (10:29:04 PM): here's how i read it:
me: you and joe had sex
neil: well kinda

BrainsNoBeauty (8:37:36 PM): i had to take a shit the whole time
BrainsNoBeauty (8:37:41 PM): thats what i have found out
BrainsNoBeauty (8:37:47 PM): mmpc II and the AIME
BrainsNoBeauty (8:37:55 PM): long math competitions make me have to shit
BrainsNoBeauty (8:38:06 PM): like, the minute the timer starts, there goes my bowels
banerfee (8:38:08 PM): Hahaha
BrainsNoBeauty (8:38:16 PM): it's horrible
banerfee (8:38:16 PM): Sell them as laxatives
BrainsNoBeauty (8:38:21 PM): HAHA
banerfee (8:40:12 PM): It would be great
banerfee (8:40:39 PM): Instructions
Place test on desk, hold pencil and paper
Attempt to do test for five minutes or less
If bowel movements do not begin, consult your physician
BrainsNoBeauty (8:41:15 PM): haha
BrainsNoBeauty (8:41:21 PM): Do not use if pregnant
BrainsNoBeauty (8:41:33 PM): or if your IQ is below 140
banerfee (8:44:29 PM): Haha

BrainsNoBeauty: i'm freezing!!!!
banerfee: Go put on some clothes!
BrainsNoBeauty: but dilks' mom told me not to
banerfee: Hah
banerfee: I thought she was your bitch, not the other way around
BrainsNoBeauty: well, sometimes u gotta make concessions to keep your hoe
BrainsNoBeauty: whether it be the woman or the farm tool
banerfee: I've never had to make concessions to keep the farm tool
banerfee: There's not much demand for it
BrainsNoBeauty: wait till u meet dilks' mom
banerfee: Does she try to take your hoe?
BrainsNoBeauty: not quite, but she sure does know how to use it
BrainsNoBeauty: u've never seen a hoe used the way dilks' mom uses it
BrainsNoBeauty: it boggles the mind
BrainsNoBeauty: she doesn't even use her hands
banerfee: That's not even possible!
BrainsNoBeauty: i'm telling u it is
BrainsNoBeauty: trust me, i've experienced dilks' mom and a hoe
banerfee: That's kinda kinky
banerfee: But in a ... wrong kind of way
BrainsNoBeauty: neil.....u r a pervert
BrainsNoBeauty: here i am talking about how dilks' mom uses a simple gardening tool, and u immediately think i'm talking about some kind of sexual activity
BrainsNoBeauty: you should be ashamed!
banerfee: Stiebel ... this is Dilks' mom. What does she ever do that isn't sexual activity?
BrainsNoBeauty: have a point
BrainsNoBeauty: now, say HAHA and quote this son of a bitch!
banerfee: HAHA

jaFrI 91 (11:31:48 PM): its time like these where i wish i was a full time japanese gamer
banerfee (11:31:57 PM): When you're Japanese, you don't even need a controller
banerfee (11:32:00 PM): Games obey the power of your mind
jaFrI 91 (11:32:16 PM): haha, you can make changes to the games on the fly
jaFrI 91 (11:32:29 PM): everyone has the abilities of neo, the ability to read the coding
banerfee (11:32:50 PM): I can see him running through the game and being like "Wait ... something's different"
banerfee (11:32:57 PM): And he puts down the controller and holds his hand out
banerfee (11:33:03 PM): And all the enemies just die

Blind3Eye (8:05:41 PM): wow ur amaaaazing LOL
banerfee (8:05:49 PM): I get that a lot from girls.
Blind3Eye (8:05:58 PM): im sure you do
banerfee (8:05:58 PM): Thanks
banerfee (8:07:02 PM): Wow I just got more amazing
banerfee (8:07:05 PM): Check it out:
Blind3Eye (8:07:40 PM): OOOH BABY
banerfee (8:07:49 PM): Straight to you
banerfee (8:07:53 PM): Skips the foreplay
banerfee (8:07:56 PM): Right to the action
Blind3Eye (8:08:05 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAA
Blind3Eye (8:08:11 PM): YOU DEVIL YOU
banerfee (8:08:40 PM): Well, I think we've moved past the foreplay phase.
Blind3Eye (8:08:48 PM): ooh baby we have
Blind3Eye (8:08:49 PM): hahahaha
banerfee (8:08:58 PM): To quote that, or not to quote that
banerfee (8:09:02 PM): Hm..
Blind3Eye (8:09:15 PM): hahahahaha
banerfee (8:09:16 PM): Manisha's out of town. But she still might have Internet access. But she probably won't look at the Quotes Page...
banerfee (8:09:19 PM): Oh, hell, I'll do it.
Blind3Eye (8:09:48 PM): LMAOOOO
Blind3Eye (8:09:58 PM): U DIRTY BASTARD!
banerfee (8:10:42 PM): Thanks!

Blind3Eye (1:18:56 AM): my legs are frozen
Blind3Eye (1:19:02 AM): holy shit
Blind3Eye (1:19:11 AM): like popsicle like
banerfee (1:19:13 AM): do you call them...
banerfee (1:19:15 AM): Oh,that's right! Pants!
Blind3Eye (1:20:11 AM): or im too lazy to walk the two feet to my closet
Blind3Eye (1:20:20 AM): im sorta comfy in the bed
banerfee (1:22:01 AM): Well, I know a solution to warm up your legs...but you'd have to be very, very talented to type while working on it
Blind3Eye (1:22:55 AM): there were a hell of a lot of that's in that sentence...
banerfee (1:22:59 AM): You know
banerfee (1:23:06 AM): I was referring to rubbing your hands back and forth on your legs
banerfee (1:23:10 AM): That tends to warm them up
banerfee (1:23:19 AM): But if all you can think about is sex
banerfee (1:23:23 AM): (and I do have that effect on women at times)
banerfee (1:23:25 AM): Then that's your problem
banerfee (1:23:26 AM): :-P
Blind3Eye (1:23:38 AM): see. i knew it.
Blind3Eye (1:23:40 AM): that would be talent to type and rub
Blind3Eye (1:23:40 AM): hahaha
Blind3Eye (1:23:52 AM): HAHAHAHA
Blind3Eye (1:23:52 AM): it is.
Blind3Eye (1:23:52 AM): and you do
banerfee (1:24:35 AM): What can I say? I'm just 8-) like that.
Blind3Eye (1:25:06 AM): shady?? or cool?? HAHA
banerfee (1:25:14 AM): Perhaps a bit of both
banerfee (1:25:18 AM): I sell my drugs with style.

Blind3Eye (1:10:51 AM): hes using subjunctive?? or shit. no i know this. um. PURPOSE RESLUT??????
Blind3Eye (1:10:57 AM): FUCKKK I SUCK AT LIFE I QUIT
Blind3Eye (1:11:01 AM): HAHA
banerfee (1:12:02 AM): You said slut
banerfee (1:12:03 AM): Hah
Blind3Eye (1:12:27 AM): HAHHAHAHA
Blind3Eye (1:12:30 AM): re slut
Blind3Eye (1:12:33 AM): hahahaha
banerfee (1:12:39 AM): It's like a slut, again.
banerfee (1:12:43 AM): To slut something twice
Blind3Eye (1:12:57 AM): i slut things numerous times thank you
Blind3Eye (1:13:02 AM): its more fun to slut again and again
banerfee (1:13:07 AM): Can I quote you on that?
Blind3Eye (1:13:20 AM): oh definitely.
Blind3Eye (1:13:23 AM): i would be sluttified.
Blind3Eye (1:13:33 AM): not as if im not already...
Blind3Eye (1:13:36 AM): O:-)
banerfee (1:13:45 AM): Haha
banerfee (1:17:32 AM): Sluttified
banerfee (1:17:35 AM): That's a new one
Blind3Eye (1:17:48 AM): wow
Blind3Eye (1:17:55 AM): thankx.i think.
banerfee (1:18:20 AM): You're welcome.

Teaching SAT class...never a dull moment
Me: What does impetuous mean?
Peter: Impetuous ... not petuous!
Me: *chokes on granola bar laughing*

If I had a nickel for everytime someone told me that in order to bypass the main remodulation panel by crossing the outer control switch with the auxiliary power connector, I'd have.....

A nickel.

"I once shaved myself all over and slept on silk sheets. I won't ever need a girl." - Anonymous

BrainsNoBeauty (7:28:35 PM): american pie is fucking hilarious
BrainsNoBeauty (7:28:51 PM): and nadia is the hottest fucking girl i've ever seen naked
BrainsNoBeauty (7:29:07 PM): aside from dilks' mom

Drunk friend: "Damn all women. Give them an inch, and they'll want a diamond ring!"
Not-drunk friend: "You would know about giving girls an inch, wouldn't you?
Drunk friend: "Damn straight! I give inches everywhere!"
So clueless...

Meghan: There's nothing that is more important to me than you.
Jeremy: Yes, and that's because I have a penis and a wallet.

"Women are impossible to read. Trying to understand women is like a blind person trying to solve a Rubik's cube: you can twist and turn all ya want, but how will you ever know when you've gotten it right." -

banerfee (9:42:37 PM): If you could make a living doing anything, what would it be?

Auto response from CullyUU (9:42:38 PM): working on the vagina. oh yeah.

banerfee (9:42:44 PM): Thank you.

Kaji Dragon kt (10:31:13 PM): it didnt load lol, gimme one sex
banerfee (10:31:21 PM): Whoa!
banerfee (10:31:23 PM): That was easy...
banerfee (10:31:30 PM): I thought it would be harder than that.
banerfee (10:31:41 PM): But you're just like "Give me sex"
Kaji Dragon kt (10:31:54 PM): LOL
banerfee (10:32:04 PM): Best. Typo. EVER.

"The secret to enjoying your job is having a hobby that is even worse." - Calvin & Hobbes

Jeremy31337's Away Message: Conservatism. Because bathing is definitely back in style.

Su sHIg uP (9:08:24 PM): mudit = m-udit
Su sHIg uP (9:08:30 PM): = fity cent with stuffy nose

DTE 1286 (10:05:51 PM): soooooooooo
DTE 1286 (10:05:56 PM): mmmmmmmm
DTE 1286 (10:05:59 PM): hummmmmm
banerfee (10:06:03 PM): Blowjob.

Su sHIg uP (1:38:34 PM): dude...let me tell you something important
Su sHIg uP (1:38:37 PM): PWNED!!!!!11111
Su sHIg uP (1:38:46 PM): lol roflmao i pwn j00 so bda!!!1
banerfee (1:39:02 PM): That's fucking stupid. So fucking stupid. I can't belive how fucking...
banerfee (1:39:06 PM): Okay, that gets Quoted.

Su sHIg uP (1:35:29 PM): fucking put this in your quotes page
Su sHIg uP (1:35:33 PM): i'm a fucking child molester
Su sHIg uP (1:35:41 PM): and i'm gonna fucking molest your fucking children
Su sHIg uP (1:35:42 PM): so fuck you
banerfee (1:36:05 PM): When you say fucking molest, do you mean molest by fucking? Or are you just using fucking to modify molest?
Su sHIg uP (1:36:13 PM): modify
banerfee (1:36:20 PM): Okay. Then I'll put it up.

DTE 1286 is NOT Rohit's screenname
banerfee (11:25:01 PM): hi
DTE 1286 (11:25:14 PM): hey
DTE 1286 (11:25:16 PM): this is rohit
banerfee (11:25:29 PM): Rohit, you shouldn't be at her house at this hour on a weeknight.
DTE 1286 (11:25:38 PM): haha im sry neil
banerfee (11:25:59 PM): What you two do is your own business. Well, that, and mine, and anyone who reads my website.

Jeremy31337 (10:41:37 PM): It's not like we're having sex in their house though, obviously.
banerfee (10:41:46 PM): Yeah
banerfee (10:41:55 PM): I should hope not.
Jeremy31337 (10:41:58 PM): Yeah.
Jeremy31337 (10:42:06 PM): We restrict our sex to parking lots at U of M.

Wickywoo II (5:56:21 PM): whats new?
banerfee (5:56:45 PM): I'm lobbying (successfully, so far) for an iPod
banerfee (5:56:47 PM): I got my hair cut
banerfee (5:56:52 PM): I'm going out to dinner tonight w/family and Manisha
banerfee (5:57:15 PM): I may be indulging myself in a Playstation (the old one) and DDR and some dance pads ... total bill $100 if I shop carefully.
banerfee (5:57:19 PM): I mean, < $100
Wickywoo II (5:57:28 PM): alright
Wickywoo II (5:57:32 PM): now say it in limerick form
Wickywoo II (5:58:12 PM): use those mad irish skills
Wickywoo II (6:02:18 PM): Is Boondock Saints failing you, Neil?
banerfee (6:02:25 PM): For my birthday, I may get an iPod,
It's a much better choice than a tripod.
I have short-cropped black hair,
Gaming money to spare,
And a dinner with she whom I like lots.

Wickywoo II (6:02:48 PM): pod, lots... eh, I'll let it slide
banerfee (6:02:58 PM): As if you could rhyme something else with iPod.
Wickywoo II (6:03:10 PM): dry sod?
Wickywoo II (6:03:16 PM): hi, God!
banerfee (6:03:26 PM): the context of Manisha...
banerfee (6:03:34 PM): And my girlfriend does not look like dry sod.
Wickywoo II (6:03:39 PM): fly bod?
banerfee (6:04:19 PM): ...that's just lame.
banerfee (6:04:22 PM): Makes me sad.
banerfee (6:04:34 PM): Like lots works.
Wickywoo II (6:05:21 PM): at dinner, me and manish'll put up a facade?
banerfee (6:06:00 PM): Dude. Ten syllables.
Wickywoo II (6:06:00 PM): At dinner, Manisha must stay off my rod?
banerfee (6:06:21 PM): Hahahahaha
banerfee (6:06:22 PM): Wow
banerfee (6:06:23 PM): That second one
banerfee (6:06:32 PM): And at dinner she must stay off my rod.
Wickywoo II (6:06:50 PM): perfect

In reference to the quote below...
BrainsNoBeauty (11:38:00 PM): that first quote on ur quotes page is lame
BrainsNoBeauty (11:38:02 PM): super lame
banerfee (11:39:04 PM): ...
banerfee (11:39:15 PM): Just because I have a quote about someone other than you being gay, it doesn't make it lame.

banerfee (9:21:52 PM): Talk about sexual liberation in the Renaissance.
spark eternity (9:22:07 PM): sexual liberation, yeah!
banerfee (9:22:21 PM): ...I mean between Da Vinci and other men, but yeah.
banerfee (9:22:27 PM): ...and other farm animals...
banerfee (9:22:30 PM): He was convicted for goat-sodomy.
spark eternity (9:22:34 PM): da vinci was the man!
spark eternity (9:22:42 PM): he could have any goat he wanted!

Wickywoo II (11:56:35 PM): being able to guess right...
Wickywoo II (11:56:49 PM): if your good enough at it, you don't need to be able to do anything else

banerfee (10:18:33 PM): Head Driver [of The Boondock Saints] was an Indian
banerfee (10:18:36 PM): Rohan Singh
banerfee (10:18:41 PM): I demand credit for the movie
banerfee (10:18:47 PM): Because I am Indian and so was that guy
oddilks (10:18:51 PM): what does the head driver do?
banerfee (10:18:54 PM): No idea
banerfee (10:18:59 PM): But his credit was centered
banerfee (10:19:05 PM): And on top of his group
oddilks (10:19:09 PM): wow

banerfee (7:12:01 PM): So did you have school today?
strwbrys8604 (7:12:06 PM): yes
strwbrys8604 (7:12:08 PM): argh
banerfee (7:12:10 PM): SUCKER
banerfee (7:12:12 PM): You need more Jews.
strwbrys8604 (7:12:17 PM): seriously

[Sunday, January 19, 2003, 04:02:51 AM] Fallout2man842: whatever floats your boat ^_~
[Sunday, January 19, 2003, 04:02:58 AM] SoaS: Ducks.
[Sunday, January 19, 2003, 04:03:20 AM] Fallout2man842: Ducks always drive me quackers.
[Sunday, January 19, 2003, 04:03:36 AM] SoaS: My duck is doing drugs. He's on quack.
[Sunday, January 19, 2003, 04:04:57 AM] Fallout2man842: Oh well, just tie him up in duck tape for a while to ensure he can go cold turkey.

"Arrested for selling sacks of wind to gullible peasants" - Grace's AIM Profile

BrainsNoBeauty: The phaomnneil pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it
deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod
are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist
and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be
a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not
raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Fcuknig amzanig!

banerfee: Yeah.
banerfee: WEird.
BrainsNoBeauty: yea, mr. "i have to spell and type correctly when i im people"
banerfee: shtu hte kfcu pu
BrainsNoBeauty: fuck u
BrainsNoBeauty: i mean
BrainsNoBeauty: fkcu u
BrainsNoBeauty: damn, this is hard
banerfee: heay i nwko
BrainsNoBeauty: qotue tihs
banerfee: eno ecs

banerfee (8:46:16 PM): I get as much Vitamin C as any ten normal people put together.
Blind3Eye (8:46:29 PM): hahaha thats not that good for you
Blind3Eye (8:46:32 PM): you can overdose on that
Blind3Eye (8:46:33 PM): hahaha
banerfee (8:46:34 PM): I'm exaggerating.
Blind3Eye (8:46:38 PM): :-P
banerfee (8:46:41 PM): And you only overdose on it if you take the pills.
banerfee (8:46:43 PM): OJ doesn't have nearly enough.
banerfee (8:46:51 PM): But can you imagine the stories they'd tell?
Blind3Eye (8:47:00 PM): AHAHAHAHAHA
banerfee (8:47:17 PM): "You hear about Neil? He OD'ed this weekend and he's in a coma!"
"What did he OD on?!!? Crack? Heroin? Ecstasy?"
Blind3Eye (8:47:32 PM): HAHHAHAA
banerfee (8:47:32 PM): "No, man, it's worse. Vitamin C."
banerfee (8:47:47 PM): "Was he fucking nuts? That shit's FAT-SOLUBLE. Doesn't he know that'll kill him?!"
banerfee (8:47:51 PM): Haha okay
banerfee (8:47:56 PM): I'll talk to you later
Blind3Eye (8:48:11 PM): hahhhahahhahahahhahahhahhahahahahahahahhhahha

a g0od man: man... there seem to have been a lot of catastrophes today
banerfee: Wow.
banerfee: Terrorists? Aliens? Radiant stupidity from the White House?
a g0od man: all of the above?
banerfee: Probably.

T_R: I had never heard of this 'friends with benefits' term until my girlfriend spoke about the relationship between two friends of hers. I was like "What? Is her dad a dentist or something?"

banerfee (6:55:16 PM): Aye.
banerfee (6:55:39 PM): Obsessively watching The Boondock Saints over and over and over again is slowly turning me Irish
banerfee (6:55:44 PM): I occasionally lapse into an Irish accent
Wickywoo II (6:55:46 PM): lol
banerfee (6:56:03 PM): And I memorized most of the prayers from that movie
banerfee (6:56:12 PM): And I finally learned how to do the Catholic cross thingy
Wickywoo II (6:56:24 PM): next stop... molesting little boys

Sam: We should go trick or treating as teen girl squad
Shneals: which would you be
Sam: So and so. You could be Cheerleader, Kash could be whats her face, and Nick could be the ugly one
Shneals: I dont think it would work, because everyone would be like what they hell? (point @ me) why are you a cheerleader (point @ kash and u) what are you? (point at nick) why are you such an ugly girl?

Kuno-Ichi: you know, vibrators are like babies. once you have 11 the novelty starts to wear off and you start giving them crap names like "J" or "Vibrator number 14"

speshalme123: yea cuz india so owns paki
fahde054: o yea?! well we invented julabi!

A while later...
banerfee: What the fuck's a julabi?
banerfee: Is it just a really bad spelling of jalebi?
speshalme123: hahaha
speshalme123: yaa
speshalme123: the orange sweet stuff
speshalme123: so good
banerfee: Yeah until someone misspells it like that

Rubin: Why don't we start a conservative personals section?
Jon: We don't need 500 SWMs.

"I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night." - IIELAB-SECS Server

JohDHJ (9:37:56 PM): you know, i've actually given up porn?
banerfee (9:38:06 PM): YOU
banerfee (9:38:09 PM): gave up
banerfee (9:38:11 PM): PORN?
JohDHJ (9:38:17 PM): yeah
JohDHJ (9:38:20 PM): I gave up porn.
banerfee (9:38:22 PM): ...and today in the weather, a cold front hits America as Hell freezes over.
banerfee (9:38:42 PM): Meteorologists trace the phenomenon to an Asian college student at Purdue.
JohDHJ (9:38:48 PM): hahahahaha

banerfee (5:30:19 PM): What turns you on more than anything else in the world?

Auto response from DTE 1286 (5:30:20 PM): chem

DTE 1286 (9:15:50 PM): WE'LL LKICK HIS ASS
rocker2570 (9:15:56 PM): yes!
rocker2570 (9:15:58 PM): lick?

So if you love to have a girl around... doesn't it make sense to have two girls around? or 3? and so on... - Popular Saying

MudWrestlerGurl: you need to come to my house and fix my comp
banerfee: Okay.
banerfee: I need you to drive me there.
MudWrestlerGurl: lol
MudWrestlerGurl: and i didnt even have to offfer sex
banerfee: ...wait a second, the last time I went to Manisha's house, it was ostensibly to fix her computer.
banerfee: We ended up making out in her bedroom.
MudWrestlerGurl: lol
banerfee: Are you trying to make out with me?
MudWrestlerGurl: yes my life's purpose
banerfee: Just like every other teenage girl I know.
MudWrestlerGurl (8:54:23 PM): hehehehe
banerfee (8:54:26 PM): Oh, well, I'm not complaining.
banerfee (8:54:32 PM): Hot girl wants to make out with me, I'll survive somehow.
MudWrestlerGurl (8:54:38 PM): there there
MudWrestlerGurl (8:54:44 PM): we all have our problems
MudWrestlerGurl (8:54:52 PM): take my case
MudWrestlerGurl (8:54:59 PM): no hot girl EVER wants to make out with me
MudWrestlerGurl (8:55:06 PM): and if i offfer they usually run screaming
MudWrestlerGurl (8:55:09 PM): no im serious
MudWrestlerGurl (8:55:13 PM): i know its hard to believe
banerfee (8:55:22 PM): I have no idea how they can all turn you down.
banerfee (8:55:24 PM): That's ridiculous.
MudWrestlerGurl (8:55:26 PM): me either

A while later...
sush igup: so youre gonna fix computers for sex now eh?
sush igup: cause i mean, i've got some problems too..
banerfee: hahaha

rajaholick (2:24:25 PM): if you are going to get a laptop you want something that is portable

Jeremy31337: She had to take her shirt off for my roomate to leave.

Elephant3033 (12:40:05 AM): yeah... colleges are like women, eventually you want to end up with a good one, but now while we're young it's fun to see what we can make the cheap ones do

Elephant3033 (12:35:14 AM): you know what's cool? when bad colleges send you mail
Elephant3033 (12:35:42 AM): tulane sent me a letter that was like "we'll give you full tuition and a hand job"

banerfee (11:48:59 PM): You know, I don't even know what all the different ablatives and all the different grammar things for that matter are
banerfee (11:49:12 PM): Half the time I just look at all the words and think of what kind of sentence a Latin book would make out of those words
Blind3Eye (11:49:35 PM): hahah ditto. wow see i look at the words and i think....shit. latin needs to die...oh wait it is dead.

BrainsNoBeauty (10:10:50 PM): OMG!!!!
BrainsNoBeauty (10:10:59 PM): u put in a quote of mine without me asking for it
BrainsNoBeauty (10:11:01 PM): !!!!!
banerfee (10:11:07 PM): Is this a sign of true love?
BrainsNoBeauty (10:11:08 PM): i am shocked
BrainsNoBeauty (10:11:12 PM): god, i hope not
banerfee (10:11:24 PM): Same here...*shudders*
BrainsNoBeauty (10:11:34 PM): u should quote this
BrainsNoBeauty (10:11:38 PM): its pretty good
banerfee (10:11:52 PM): I don't know, I don't want you to think I'm trying to seduce you or anything.

"I wish life was as long and easy as calc homework." - David Stiebel

ROSw12: is there another way [to recover my files]?
banerfee: Perform oral sex on the serial port

BrainsNoBeauty (8:32:31 PM): wait, u and MAnisha r still together, right?
banerfee (8:32:43 PM): Yeah.
BrainsNoBeauty (8:32:47 PM): damn
banerfee (8:32:48 PM): Since 5/17
BrainsNoBeauty (8:32:50 PM): no, jk
banerfee (8:32:52 PM): Hahaha
banerfee (8:32:56 PM): Sorry, you can't have me yet.
BrainsNoBeauty (8:33:01 PM): HAHA

S Yzerman019: i shave my ass too
S Yzerman019: no no no that was a joke

banerfee (10:42:55 PM): Ballin is cool shit
sush igup (10:43:01 PM): where i know that theres nothin better i could be doin with my time
sush igup (10:44:10 PM): so now
sush igup (10:44:14 PM): i'm tryin to ball for others
banerfee (10:44:17 PM): lol
sush igup (10:44:17 PM): like a charity ball

sush igup (10:30:40 PM): well it has p00njuice
sush igup (10:30:44 PM): as opposed to prunejuice
banerfee (10:31:41 PM): What if your p00n were to dry up
banerfee (10:31:45 PM): And become a prune?

sush igup: coool what movie are you seeing
banerfee: SWAT
sush igup: swat is amazing
sush igup: like my dong
sush igup: [question]
sush igup: dong answer that
sush igup: i mean dong
sush igup: dont
sush igup: HAHAHAHA
sush igup: lolololol
banerfee: Hahahahahhaahahahaha

KPU0: From a fake personals ad in Men seeking Men (in a mock newspaper from Caltech):Professor seeking male student for help in science experiment. Must have unlimited supply of vaseline.
BrainsNoBeauty: haha
BrainsNoBeauty: did u reply?
KPU0: um. . . that was the whole ad. . . no contact anyhow
BrainsNoBeauty: boy, u must be heartbroken
KPU0: haha

Manik (1:12:55 PM): i dont have a problem drivin a million girls home from a long as i know there isnt one on the road

BrainsNoBeauty (6:01:37 PM): so far i have two quotes about a mysterious ass
banerfee (6:01:42 PM): Yeah
BrainsNoBeauty (6:01:50 PM): i'll try for 3
BrainsNoBeauty (6:02:06 PM): 3 asses
BrainsNoBeauty (6:02:09 PM): thats really big

BrainsNoBeauty (5:56:19 PM): hows my ass
banerfee (5:56:40 PM): The two halves won't separate properly
BrainsNoBeauty (5:57:02 PM): is it cracked?
banerfee (5:57:48 PM): Something's cracked about it.
banerfee (5:58:00 PM): There's also this hole in the middle that's been giving me some trouble.
banerfee (5:58:03 PM): It causes a lot of crap.
BrainsNoBeauty (5:58:14 PM): hmmm
BrainsNoBeauty (5:58:57 PM): well, clean it up and hand it to me
banerfee (5:59:11 PM): You want your ass handed to you?
BrainsNoBeauty (5:59:31 PM): please
BrainsNoBeauty (5:59:48 PM): can i pick it up now?
banerfee (5:59:58 PM): I'm afraid your ass is in no position to be picked up.
banerfee (6:00:06 PM): But there are several other things that are, if you know what I mean.

Wickywoo II: i just got back from Band Camp
banerfee: You've GOT to have stories
banerfee: Here, I'll start and you finish
banerfee: "And one time, at band camp,"
banerfee: Go!
Wickywoo II: i said "Adolf Sax invented the instrument because he wanted something curved he could blow"
Wickywoo II: in front of the entire band & directors & staff
banerfee: HAHAHAHA

Elephant3033 (12:40:36 AM): i think it was like half and half... but don't quote me

"I don't have a God complex, God had a Ray complex" - The Esteemed Raymond Kleinberg

breakthedoors: we took a little trip
banerfee: Who?
breakthedoors: my dad and i
breakthedoors: he wanted a whopper combo
breakthedoors: and i wanted to see how hot my new headlights would get
banerfee: Hahahaha
breakthedoors: whats so funny? ;-)
banerfee: I don't know
banerfee: Something about that
banerfee: Ah, yes, headlights
banerfee: The other meaning
breakthedoors: LOL
breakthedoors: you suck!!
breakthedoors: put that in your quotes page
breakthedoors: :-*
banerfee: I wouldn't, normally, but I can't resist the whore lips.

ShortStuff7612 (9:37:41 PM): whos brainsnobeauty
banerfee (9:37:52 PM): Yue's moth----err, that is, Stiebel.
ShortStuff7612 (9:37:56 PM): o
ShortStuff7612 (9:38:26 PM): yues mother is nobrainsnobeauty
banerfee (9:38:41 PM): Haha!

banerfee: I am 99% sure I can make it to your grad party
lotus 7337: okay
banerfee: Will a mangled fetus be an acceptable gift?
lotus 7337: sure
banerfee: Great. I told Manisha I'd think of something to do with it...

banerfee: HTMLing your first page is like losing your web virginity.
banerfee: You'll always remember it.

"Uday? Qusay? Finding Saddam should be easy. Just look for a nervous Iraqi who speaks Pig Latin." - Scott Roeben

"I always thought they should make a law against premature ejaculation. The only problem would be sentencing. Everyone would get off way too easy." - Scott Roeben

BrainsNoBeauty (10:04:03 PM): did u do schmidt
BrainsNoBeauty (10:04:10 PM): cuz he's hard
banerfee (10:04:11 PM): Most of him.
banerfee (10:04:12 PM): Hahahaha
BrainsNoBeauty (10:04:13 PM): he screwed me

(21:17:50) BrainsNoBeauty: have u done it successfully?
(21:17:50) KPU0: I spent several hours pulling my hair out trying to figure out sets.
(21:18:06) KPU0: I've had sets successfully.
(21:18:21) KPU0: It's so hard to get sets.
(21:18:40) KPU0: But when sets finally comes, it's the best time ever.
(21:18:58) BrainsNoBeauty: so u have it?
(21:19:04) BrainsNoBeauty: .mod, .dat, and output?
(21:19:14) KPU0: I will not give you actual files
(21:19:36) BrainsNoBeauty: please, i did it, but i've been told i need it with sets
(21:19:45) BrainsNoBeauty: so, now, im screwed
(21:20:09) KPU0: wait. . . you did it without sets? that's not really sets.
(21:20:18) BrainsNoBeauty: i know
(21:20:30) BrainsNoBeauty: i did it without sets, and now i found out i need to do it with sets
(21:20:42) BrainsNoBeauty: so i need it now
(21:20:44) KPU0: ok, so it's your first time
(21:20:57) KPU0: having sets

JohDHJ (1:06:31 AM): You know you're in Indiana when the locals think "Genitalia" is an Italian airline.

Elysium Chaos (10:54:40 PM): i've got that "european charm"
Elysium Chaos (10:54:48 PM): but without the odor.

BrainsNoBeauty (23:45:14): wat is the opposite of bored
KPU0 (23:45:26): masturbation

KPU0: Who is BrainsNoBeauty?
banerfee: Give me $3000 for an Alienware laptop and I'll tell you
KPU0: damn you
banerfee: I can tell you this much: it's not your mom.
banerfee: She' the moment.

"Out on the street, you never know what [kind of marijuana] you're getting. Suddenly two days later you're beating yourself in the head with a tennis racquet, wearing a towel, quoting Poe. You don't want that for your kid." - Johnny Depp, who plans to provide quality pot for his children when they grow up

KPU0 (9:25:16 PM): ah, the days when all we had to worry about was sex

banerfee: I have a question about life, the universe, and --- more importantly --- standardized tests.

lotus 7337: you get to do it for a whole year!
banerfee: I'm glad.
banerfee: Who's doing it on Sunday?
banerfee: Am I doing it with you?
lotus 7337: i believe so
banerfee: I need to know in advance if I'm doing it with you on Sunday.
banerfee: Yay.
lotus 7337: haha
banerfee: So can I tell everyone ---except Manisha--- that I'm doing it with you this Sunday?
lotus 7337: yes
lotus 7337: why except manisha?
banerfee: Well I don't know if she'd appreciate that I'm doing it with you on Sunday.
lotus 7337: a problem w/me?
banerfee: I don't know, hm...I don't know if she'd like to know that I'm doing it with anyone on Sunday.
banerfee: Girlfriends can be silly about that sometimes.

YueTheMighty: gundam's got love, war, politics, everything
YueTheMighty: except porn..................
YueTheMighty: damn
banerfee: Yeah.
YueTheMighty: i thought all i need is gundam
YueTheMighty: nope
YueTheMighty: its gundam and porn

TisWhatSheSaid (10:43:53 AM): is there any one item you wish you'd had freshman year for your dorm room?
sc0tt is funny (10:44:10 AM): yeah a live-in lover

BrainsNoBeauty (9:55:51 PM): get here by 755
banerfee (9:56:00 PM): I'll be there. And not be square.
banerfee (9:56:07 PM): With gel in my hair
banerfee (9:56:13 PM): and shoes: one pair
banerfee (9:56:18 PM): A stylish flair
banerfee (9:56:20 PM): Like Tony Blair
banerfee (9:56:28 PM): Only I can dare
BrainsNoBeauty (9:56:33 PM): to be a square
banerfee (9:56:42 PM): Not to wear
BrainsNoBeauty (9:56:44 PM): but beware
banerfee (9:56:45 PM): My underwear
BrainsNoBeauty (9:56:52 PM): do not stare
BrainsNoBeauty (9:56:56 PM): take care
BrainsNoBeauty (9:57:02 PM): of the bear
BrainsNoBeauty (9:57:08 PM): in the lair

TAPOTTI: did u hear about jeremy's ap scores
ban erf ee: Straight 5's
ban erf ee: That's pimp
ban erf ee: ...I cannot believe I just used the term "pimp" to describe AP scores.

BrainsNoBeauty (12:29:23 PM): that sloganize thing is pretty funny
BrainsNoBeauty (12:32:50 PM): Double the pleasure, Double the Neil
BrainsNoBeauty (12:33:40 PM): Life Should Taste As Good As Neil
BrainsNoBeauty (12:34:03 PM): Let Your Fingers Do the Walking Through the Neil.
BrainsNoBeauty (12:34:12 PM): ew
BrainsNoBeauty (12:34:48 PM): Whenever There's a Snack Gap, Neil Fits.
BrainsNoBeauty (12:34:50 PM): ????
BrainsNoBeauty (12:35:13 PM): How Many Licks Does it Take to Get to the Center of a Neil?

BrainsNoBeauty (1:21:15 AM): and [my new car] has cupholders!!!!
banerfee (1:21:42 AM): That's kickass.
banerfee (1:21:50 AM): My computer has two of those.

BrainsNoBeauty (12:00:18 PM): hey neil, where's your dick
Auto response from banerfee (12:00:18 PM): Not here. Leave a message.

BrainsNoBeauty: u finish the ass?
oddilks: i'm just getting started working on the ass
BrainsNoBeauty: u didnt work on the ass at school?
BrainsNoBeauty: u didnt use neil's ass?
oddilks: of course I did
BrainsNoBeauty: how is his ass
oddilks: quite good

banerfee (9:03:53 PM):
banerfee (9:03:54 PM): I want this!
BrainsNoBeauty (9:04:38 PM): wat is it?
BrainsNoBeauty (9:04:43 PM): a vibrator?
banerfee (9:05:25 PM): ...a Tablet PC

BrainsNoBeauty: do u know what the speed limit of sex is?
BrainsNoBeauty: 68, cuz at 69 you have to stop and turn around
banerfee: Hahahaha
BrainsNoBeauty: do u know what the square root of 69 is?
BrainsNoBeauty: Ate Something
banerfee: Haha, nice.
BrainsNoBeauty: I think thats all my one liner sex jokes
BrainsNoBeauty: "Would you like to have sex with me?"
BrainsNoBeauty: That's another joke
BrainsNoBeauty: It must be, cuz the ladies laugh whenever i say it

Quote removed. Check comments.

sush igup: if i lie, then p is not q
BrainsNoBeauty: AH
BrainsNoBeauty: dont even joke about that
BrainsNoBeauty: the contrapositive is a serious subject
sush igup: i know
sush igup: i had to though
sush igup: i knew i shouldntve
sush igup: but i thought i should try it once
sush igup: to see what it was like
BrainsNoBeauty: my dog died from the contrapositive
BrainsNoBeauty: so dont joke
sush igup: i wont do it again please....*sob*
sush igup: mine died the same way
BrainsNoBeauty: its horible
BrainsNoBeauty: his ass and head inverted and switched places
BrainsNoBeauty: O, the horror

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ban erf ee (10:49:53 PM): Whoa
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ban erf ee (10:49:57 PM): You're going CRAZY
TisWhatSheSaid signed off at 10:50:29 PM.
TisWhatSheSaid signed on at 10:50:44 PM.
TisWhatSheSaid (10:50:53 PM): what just happened?>
ban erf ee (10:51:03 PM): TisWhatSheSaid signed off at 10:49:19 PM.
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ban erf ee: Whoa
TisWhatSheSaid signed off at 10:49:54 PM.
TisWhatSheSaid signed on at 10:49:55 PM.
ban erf ee: You're going CRAZY
TisWhatSheSaid signed off at 10:50:29 PM.
TisWhatSheSaid signed on at 10:50:44 PM.

ban erf ee (10:51:06 PM): I have NO idea.
TisWhatSheSaid (10:51:40 PM): thats classic. will you put that in your quotes page??!??!?!
ban erf ee (10:52:12 PM): ...That wasn't funny, though.
ban erf ee (10:52:14 PM): It was just WEIRD.
ban erf ee (10:52:19 PM): On the other hand
ban erf ee (10:52:22 PM): Weird is about what it takes to get in
ban erf ee (10:52:25 PM): You'll be up in 5 minutes.
TisWhatSheSaid (10:52:27 PM): yah
TisWhatSheSaid (10:52:55 PM): what if i added a sexual comment? like, neil has a monster penis.
ban erf ee (10:53:26 PM): Congratulations on being admitted to the Quotes Page. You are now officially a greater human being.

In response to UMich's admissions policy and the Supreme Court decisions...
Elephant3033 (11:46:56 PM): yeah back in the day a black female dirt farmer from idaho that wanted to do engineering could get in with a 2.5
Elephant3033 (11:46:58 PM): no more
Elephant3033 (11:47:03 PM): now she needs a 2.8 or so

banerfee: Cash?
Jeremy31337: Check, yeah.
banerfee: Under the table, though?
Jeremy31337: I don't know.
Jeremy31337: I might pay taxes on it, if I feel like it.

dashka15 (12:26:29 AM): who is yen1233
banerfee (12:27:17 AM): I have no idea.
banerfee (12:27:24 AM): But he's worth like 10 cents.
JohDHJ (12:41:56 AM): You have a yen for bad puns.

dashka15: i say we just let the kkk and the blacks exterminate each other and move on with civilized existence

frrrappuccino: i typed in my msn password like ten times
frrrappuccino: and it keeps saying to retype it
frrrappuccino: ud think i iknow my own password
banerfee: Heh
banerfee: Jesus hates you
banerfee: More importantly, so does Bill Gates

moodoomania: YAY..... that'll be a miracle if u can do that
banerfee: Just call me Jesus.

banerfee (2:05:15 AM): know what's sad?
banerfee (2:05:25 AM): I get Daily Dilbert emails now...and I was looking through my Inbox
banerfee (2:05:32 AM): And I was like "Wow, I get one of these Daily Dilberts, like, every day."

Sark8787 (10:21:28 AM): i loved the craft project actually
Sark8787 (10:22:45 AM): because i didnt do something pathetic like making a quilt or crocheting or knitting or candlemaking or making a chair!! hahabanerfee (10:23:30 AM): Haha
banerfee (10:23:34 AM): Glassblowing, right?
banerfee (10:23:36 AM): That's really cool
Sark8787 (10:23:39 AM): for sure
Sark8787 (10:24:25 AM): haha i got the idea from my great uncle...hes an amazing glassblower
banerfee (10:24:45 AM): So how good are you at blowing? Would you say you blow well?
Sark8787 (10:25:24 AM): i think i'm pretty good at blowing. I enjoy blowing. haha
banerfee (10:25:41 AM): Fan-tastic.
banerfee (10:25:48 AM): I've always liked girls who enjoy blowing.
Sark8787 (10:26:11 AM): haha you would

Brian: So, do you ever call it a sea snake?
Me: Psh! More like a Loch Ness Monster.
Silk: Loch Ness...because nobody can find it.

Someone: So, [removed], how are you going to get by in college without [his girlfriend]?
[removed]: Well, you know what they say ... tis better to have fucked and lost than to never have fucked at all.

Crossfire1987: either way ur lesbian
Chick3nPotato: EH
Chick3nPotato: at least i like girls

First of all, not many girls want a guy who can't spell Latinum and can't punctuate correctly. These are symptoms of a simpleton. Girls like guys who can dress themselves and string words together to make sentences. I'm sure it's hard to type because your knuckles are sore from dragging them on the ground all the time, but work to improve your communication skills and you should have more success with the ladies. - Pelgar

banerfee: We're up to a "high" terror alert!
banerfee: ORANGE!
Meghan6789: NO
Meghan6789: since when?!
Meghan6789: AHHHHHHHHH
banerfee: 2 hours and 1 minute ago according to Yahoo News
Meghan6789: oh no
Meghan6789: i only pray that my sex life isn't endangered
banerfee: "Oh...Jeremy...yes...---AAAAH! "*terrorist bursts into room*
banerfee: Infidels! DIE FOR ALLAH!
Meghan6789: haha
banerfee: Headlines: Teenagers have sex, are killed by terrorists. Trojan releases new line of bulletproof condoms

banerfee: Meghan.
banerfee: Shut up.
banerfee: NOW.
Meghan6789: haha
Meghan6789: i'm done
banerfee: You're my friend and you know I love you
banerfee: but if you do that again
banerfee: So help me God if there is one I'm coming after you with a tsick
Meghan6789: NOT A TSICK!
Meghan6789: i tremble with fear
banerfee: Oh, shut up.
banerfee: *STICK
Meghan6789: "yeah manish, he's a great guy.. just don't let him near you with his tsick"
banerfee: Since when are YOU one to make fun of typoes? Tell you what. Learn to punctuate and get over your fear of capitalizing sentences, and then we'll talk.
Meghan6789: I have no fear of proper speech.
Meghan6789: I'm just lazy.
Meghan6789: Instead of not doing my homework, I let my laziness out in my AIM conversations.
Meghan6789: i'm sorry neil
Meghan6789: that was a little below the belt
banerfee: ...yes, it was. Don't do it again or I'll bust out the tsick on you.
banerfee: And when the tsick comes out, you'd better f'ing watch out.

Auto response from Wickywoo II: I have made it onto Neil's Quotes Page! (Struggles to control orgasm...) Um... I have to excuse myself now...

banerfee: Not much computerry that rhymes with survive.
Wickywoo II: not much of anything rhymes with survive
Wickywoo II: there was sex drive
Wickywoo II: but thats not really a computer thing
Wickywoo II: thats a neil thing
banerfee: Haha!

Note: I totally RULE
Auto response from Wickywoo II: *sigh* If only I could get onto Neil's quotes page! He is, after all, my hero, and the aforementioned achievement would cause my mind to leap to new hights of pleasure. Not sex, nor food, nor lots of sex could ever hold even the tiniest candle to the intense ecstasy that being on the holiest of quotes pages could bring. To be a part of that thick concentration of humor and stupidity, to belong to the exclusive brotherhood of Quotes Page includees, what a marvelous and incredible experience that would be! I would do anything to belong in that shrine of human conversation, that temple of the typed word, that acropolis of AIM that only Neil can control. I am in awe of its greatness. *sigh* If only, if only...

banerfee (5:40:27 PM): I just heard what is possibly the single funniest DBZ-related joke ever. And yet nobody online but the person who told me about it knows DBZ.
egonomadic (5:40:35 PM): aww
egonomadic (5:40:38 PM): i actually know a bit about it.
banerfee (5:40:41 PM): I feel like I've been put in a room full of beautiful willing supermodels, but I'm impotent.
egonomadic (5:40:42 PM): surprisingly.
banerfee (5:40:43 PM): Oh.
egonomadic (5:40:51 PM): so have a go.
banerfee (5:40:51 PM): Well, how many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
egonomadic (5:41:13 PM): it doesn't matter because they'd take 47 episodes to do it.
banerfee (5:41:18 PM): Haha!
egonomadic (5:41:22 PM): (but what's the real answer?)
banerfee (5:41:24 PM): I was going to say "1, but it takes them him 3 episodes."
banerfee (5:41:27 PM): Which is really cool.
egonomadic (5:41:31 PM): hahahaha!!
banerfee (5:41:32 PM): Because you thought of the same thing.
banerfee (5:41:34 PM): That's awesome.
egonomadic (5:41:41 PM): except mine is cooler.
egonomadic (5:41:42 PM): because
egonomadic (5:41:43 PM): i'm cooler.
banerfee (5:42:03 PM): And that's because...*drum roll*
banerfee (5:42:06 PM): You have breasts!
banerfee (5:42:08 PM): *cheering in background*
egonomadic (5:42:11 PM): AMEN!
egonomadic (5:42:18 PM): *victory stance/cheesy grin*
egonomadic (5:42:55 PM): well now I'M feeling exceptionally clever. aren't you glad you told me? now you're just in a room with four bisexual supermodels who all want you badly AND you know tantra.
egonomadic (5:42:59 PM): and have a few days to spare.
banerfee (5:43:43 PM): Hell yes.
banerfee (5:43:56 PM): So, does this mean you're going to become a supermodel and have sex with me?
egonomadic (5:45:11 PM): mm..not quite.
egonomadic (5:45:35 PM): (are we quoted yet?? because that was hellafuckin quoteworthy.)

banerfee: Mmm
banerfee: Tuna sandwich
banerfee: There is no problem that solid white albacore cannot cure.

Acepenguinaim (12:09:53 AM): tell me more
Elephant3033 (12:09:53 AM): yeah
Elephant3033 (12:09:56 AM): about?
Elephant3033 (12:10:00 AM): micro?
Elephant3033 (12:10:02 AM): macro?
Elephant3033 (12:10:05 AM): pistons?
Elephant3033 (12:10:07 AM): euro?
Elephant3033 (12:10:12 AM): grinding?
Acepenguinaim (12:10:27 AM): combine it all into a limrick
there once was an ap called econ
so easy like finding a beacon
tony hawk's a great game
not playing is lame
without chauncey the pistons are weakened

"I hate people who are not serious about meals. It is so shallow of them." - Oscar Wilde

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." - Winston Churchill

"Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?" - Jules Feiffer

"Never interrupt your enemy while he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte

rajaholick (10:55:17 PM): heres one for your quotes page
rajaholick (10:55:26 PM): from the Petersons Arco AP calc book
rajaholick (10:55:43 PM): " How will I feel when the test is over?"
rajaholick (10:55:46 PM): thats the question
rajaholick (10:55:48 PM): answer...
rajaholick (10:55:57 PM): "Hopefully, you will still be able to funtion."
rajaholick (10:56:03 PM): ...yes...hopefully
banerfee (10:56:23 PM): Calc, sure, it's possible.
banerfee (10:56:26 PM): Physics, hell no.
rajaholick (10:56:52 PM): "Should I have the unit circle memorized?"
rajaholick (10:57:08 PM): "Oh, yes. The unit circle never dies--it lives to haunt your life."
rajaholick (10:57:15 PM): thats scary :-\
banerfee (10:58:53 PM): *shudder* Dear God, yes.

URtalking2shiv (10:53:37 PM): this is from
URtalking2shiv (10:53:39 PM): the slogan
URtalking2shiv (10:53:40 PM): thing
URtalking2shiv (10:53:42 PM): that site
URtalking2shiv (10:53:43 PM): Taste the Ass.
URtalking2shiv (10:54:05 PM): Penis - The Appetizer!

banerfee (12:22:15 AM): Wow. Did you know that WinXP has a "View As Slide Show" option for folders containing pictures?
Jeremy31337 (12:22:22 AM): Yes.
banerfee (12:22:23 AM): I mean, talk about built-in masturbation support.
banerfee (12:22:27 AM): This is great.
Jeremy31337 (12:22:29 AM): LOL
Jeremy31337 (12:22:34 AM): I think it's more meant for family photos.
Jeremy31337 (12:22:40 AM): But sure.
banerfee (12:22:41 AM): ...ewww!
banerfee (12:22:46 AM): Who gets off on family photos?!

banerfee (12:48:09 AM): It would be one of those stupidass functions like f(x) = 5
banerfee (12:48:53 AM): I hate those functions. They're so STUPID. I mean, they're easy to work with, but they're stupid.
banerfee (12:49:02 AM): Like having sex with a ditz. Sure, it's great during the act
Jeremy31337 (12:49:03 AM): Yes.
banerfee (12:49:12 AM): But afterwards you just want to beat your head against a wall
Jeremy31337 (12:49:21 AM): Yes.
banerfee (12:49:23 AM): Okay, it's official. I have no life.
Jeremy31337 (12:49:38 AM): Yes; you've just made numerous math analogies to sex.
banerfee (12:49:47 AM): Yep.

On avoiding prison rape...
banerfee (11:49:21 PM): How about learning to break off dicks with the force of my sphincter?
banerfee (11:49:24 PM): That'd teach them a lesson.
banerfee (11:49:36 PM): ...although getting the damn things out might be a problem
JohDHJ (11:49:38 PM): can you really do that?
JohDHJ (11:49:44 PM): hahaha
banerfee (11:49:46 PM): I doubt it.
JohDHJ (11:49:48 PM): shit it out.
banerfee (11:49:52 PM): That would be a great superhero power.
banerfee (11:50:07 PM): "Dickbreaker! Bringing justice to every prison."

banerfee (12:11:52 AM): A friend of mine took me cruising in her b/f's car
banerfee (12:11:55 AM): She just put new subs into it
banerfee (12:11:57 AM): It was tiiiiiiiiiiiiight
Crossfire1987 (12:12:00 AM): hahahah
Crossfire1987 (12:12:02 AM): sweeet
banerfee (12:12:06 AM): We rolled down the windows (this was up in MSU) and blasted rap
Crossfire1987 (12:12:12 AM): hahahahah
banerfee (12:12:12 AM): For a moment, I was not brown but black
Crossfire1987 (12:12:13 AM): jessssssss
banerfee (12:12:20 AM): And suddenly girls with large asses appealed to me

banerfee (10:56:17 PM): [excerpt of convo]
rajaholick (10:57:04 PM): hehe
rajaholick (10:57:07 PM): is that morgan
?rajaholick (10:57:13 PM): her new sn or something?
banerfee (10:57:22 PM): Yeah.
banerfee (10:57:32 PM): ...that might be why I addressed her as Morgan.
rajaholick (10:57:48 PM): neil there is more than one morgan in this world
rajaholick (10:57:50 PM): morgan freeman
banerfee (10:58:25 PM): Yes, Raj. I got Morgan Freeman's screenname.
rajaholick (10:58:44 PM): sweeeet
rajaholick (10:59:03 PM): ask him if playing a black president in deep impact had a deep impact on his life
rajaholick (10:59:08 PM): i've always wanted to ask him that

KPU0 (11:43:03 PM):
KPU0 (11:43:29 PM): Works great with Your Mom
banerfee (11:43:59 PM): Seen it before
banerfee (11:44:00 PM): Amazing
KPU0 (11:44:45 PM): Just Do Your Mom.
banerfee (11:45:07 PM): HAHAHA
KPU0 (11:45:34 PM): "Can't Do It In Real Life? Do It On Your Mom."
banerfee (11:45:49 PM): LOL!
banerfee (11:45:56 PM): Sweet as the Moment When the Your Mom Went "Pop"
banerfee (11:46:19 PM): Spreads Straight from the Your Mom.
banerfee (11:46:51 PM): Reach Out and Touch Your Mom.
banerfee (11:52:44 PM): Nobody Does It Like Your Mom.
KPU0 (11:52:51 PM): lol
KPU0 (11:52:57 PM): Get Busy with the Linux.
KPU0 (11:53:06 PM): Be Young, Have Fun, Drink Your Mom
banerfee (11:56:18 PM): Whatever You're I banerfee (11:52:44 PM): Nobody Does It Like Your Mom.
KPU0 (11:52:51 PM): lol
KPU0 (11:52:57 PM): Get Busy with the Linux.
KPU0 (11:53:06 PM): Be Young, Have Fun, Drink Your Mom
banerfee (11:56:18 PM): Whatever You're Into, Get Into Your Mom.

I would love to run naked with you! Do you know how much weight I'd lose puking? - Tyler, spoken to a girl

KPU0 (10:03:10 PM): The way she sounds on the phone. . . it's like calling up phone sex and talking about MS Word.
banerfee (10:03:57 PM): She has a sultry voice.
banerfee (10:04:02 PM): It's nice.
KPU0 (10:05:21 PM): Sometimes, really late at night, I could use a slutty voice talking about computers.

banerfee (1:24:47 AM): WOOT
JohDHJ (1:24:56 AM): In all the four years I've been at LHS, I've never had this happen for ME!
JohDHJ (1:24:56 AM): YOU lucky bastards.
JohDHJ (1:25:35 AM): Admit it, you bought someone off inside the administration, didn't you?
JohDHJ (1:25:54 AM): what kind of dirt did you have on him?
JohDHJ (1:25:54 AM): or her?
banerfee (1:26:30 AM): I found out what happened to the boy who "transferred to Andover."
banerfee (1:26:40 AM): Poor kid was chained up in DrJ's basement for months.
banerfee (1:26:46 AM): *sob* The memories are so awful...

JESSSSSS, i have finally entered the sacred temple that is neil's quotespage. who would have thought tat goatse would do some good. :-P - Buddy Info of Crossfire1987

banerfee: [story of guy who tricked his girl into seeing goatse]
banerfee (11:49:08 PM): She still loves him.
banerfee (11:49:10 PM): Which is nuts.
Crossfire1987 (11:49:11 PM): haha ic
Crossfire1987 (11:49:15 PM): yea reely
Crossfire1987 (11:49:24 PM): oooo ic how it is tho man
Crossfire1987 (11:49:29 PM): love is blind rite?
banerfee (11:49:31 PM): Yeah.
banerfee (11:49:32 PM): Basically.
Crossfire1987 (11:49:36 PM): so lookin at goatseman didnt do nething
Crossfire1987 (11:49:38 PM): cuz shes blind

JohDHJ (11:54:36 PM): *shudder*
JohDHJ (11:54:43 PM): why is Dr J so.... odd?
banerfee (11:55:41 PM): Punishment for mankind's sins.

Rusty7887 (8:56:10 PM): can i go to [Quiz Bowl] states?
banerfee (8:57:06 PM): Yes.
Rusty7887 (8:57:58 PM): really?
Rusty7887 (8:57:58 PM): YAYA
Rusty7887 (9:00:17 PM): am i a "I think so" or a Yes your going fo sho"
banerfee (9:01:35 PM): That's an "If things go the way they're going now, you'll be able to go for $20"
banerfee (9:01:41 PM): DrJ is ONLY paying for Blair's room.
Rusty7887 (9:02:25 PM): WHAT
banerfee (9:02:30 PM): Yeah.
Rusty7887 (9:03:13 PM): what a dillhole

Some time later...

Rusty7887 (9:05:57 PM): Where the FUCK is the school funding
FluFFaYgoAt (9:06:17 PM): in her pants. or perhaps her mattress.
FluFFaYgoAt (9:06:24 PM): im sure shes saving up for a nice trip to the bahamas.
Rusty7887 (9:06:50 PM): or a plastic surgery on her neck...

A true friend stabs you in the front - Oscar Wilde

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house. - Mark Guido

banerfee (10:48:44 PM): Do you have a final date on Frankenmuth?
RerhufRed (10:49:07 PM): i was thinking 19 but it's tentative......
RerhufRed (10:49:17 PM): cuz my mom wants to go to omaha
RerhufRed (10:49:21 PM): to visit her mom
banerfee (10:49:23 PM): Omaha NEBRASKA?
RerhufRed (10:49:26 PM): ya
banerfee (10:49:28 PM): Whoa.
Jeremy31337 (10:51:07 PM): A Muslim in Nebraska?

Some time later...

RerhufRed (10:54:38 PM): y did he say "A Muslim in Nebraska?"?
banerfee (10:54:53 PM): Nebraska ...
banerfee (10:55:06 PM): It doesn't have a reputation for racial diversity.
banerfee (10:55:40 PM): In fact it's part of that subset of the Midwest where it's rumored that many don't believe that dark-skinned people exist.

ForestFireCat (10:47:11 PM): Tampons make me horny
banerfee (10:47:36 PM): I'll be sure to buy you some ridged ones when we meet.
banerfee (10:47:42 PM): Vibrating tampons!
ForestFireCat (10:47:49 PM): -_-0

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish, he will eat for the rest of his life.
If you build a man a fire, you warm him for a day. If you set a man on fire.... hey, at least he's warm for the remainder of his life. - Proverb.

Elephant3033: in the context of talking to a girl about having sex with me for my birthday:
Elephant3033: Elephant3033 [9:53 PM]: usually its considered a little rude to give a gift worth less than $20... but for you i promise i wont be offended

Jeremy31337 (10:08:21 PM): My brother is a semi-finalist in a Young-Playwrights Competition.
Jeremy31337 (10:08:28 PM): If he wins, his play is performed on Broadway.
banerfee (10:08:53 PM): Wow.
banerfee (10:08:56 PM): That's very impressive.
Jeremy31337 (10:08:56 PM): He's definitely going to get into Harvard.
banerfee (10:09:11 PM): You sure? He has that A- on his record.
Jeremy31337 (10:09:16 PM): LOL

rajaholick (9:38:29 PM): what u up to?
banerfee (9:38:48 PM): Physics outline
rajaholick (9:38:54 PM): hah
rajaholick (9:38:58 PM): u actually doing it?
rajaholick (9:38:59 PM): WTF
rajaholick (9:39:09 PM): this is an april fools joke rite?
banerfee (9:39:38 PM): HAHAHA

Succubus: hey, how can i prevent from leaking even though my tampon's in me?
Banerfee: Duct tape.

Jeremy31337 (8:04:58 PM): I love you more than I love screwing over the poor and the elderly.

Dave: I'd institute a no-yelling policy with my girlfriend. If one of us yells, we'd have to make up for it with oral sex.
DJ: So I expect that you'll be trying to get her pissed off on a daily basis?

ForestFireCat (10:08:08 PM): Please use the red lip stick
ForestFireCat (10:08:14 PM): it really brings out your eyes
banerfee (10:08:19 PM): Oh, yes, thank you.
ForestFireCat (10:08:24 PM): ^.~
banerfee (10:08:29 PM): I hate it when I mess up my makeup.
ForestFireCat (10:08:34 PM): I know
ForestFireCat (10:08:39 PM): Well pink is just too light
ForestFireCat (10:08:43 PM): and...not sexy enough
banerfee (10:08:54 PM): It doesn't suit my complexion.
ForestFireCat (10:08:58 PM): you need something that says "LOOK AT MY SEXINESS"
ForestFireCat (10:08:59 PM): Yes

Will: You know, I just remembered who was given the Key to the City of Detroit in 1980 ... Saddam Hussein.
Karen: No wonder our school's doors are locked.

banerfee (6:41:37 PM): Forget about your girlfriend, dammit, your E-mail server was down for a DAY!

Meghan6789 (6:46:25 PM): GOD!
banerfee (6:46:47 PM): He's busy right now, can I take a message?

tiswHAtshesaid (2:28:08 PM): do you drive?
banerfee (2:28:10 PM): Nope
banerfee (2:28:12 PM): Not at all.
tiswHAtshesaid (2:28:18 PM): ah therein lies our problam.
banerfee (2:29:13 PM): Indeed, fair Shelley, forasmuch that shouldst I dare to manipulate the mighty wheel and twofold pedals which doth move so many from hither to thither, the consequences shouldst be most dire.

[removed] (2:42:52 PM): ever noticed at the olympics, black people are good at running, and white people good at shooting?

Thanks to Stiebel for sourcing this quote!
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the French accuse the US of being arrogant, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the Swiss holds the America Cup (a sailing award). - Charles Barkley, on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Jeremy: Karen, everyone thinks you're such a femenazi.
Karen: Well, that's too bad for them, because I give good head!

banerfee (3:38:07 PM): I don't like vomiting on my books.

banerfee (4:24:50 PM): looking forward to your trip?
FluFFaYgoAt (4:24:56 PM): uh
FluFFaYgoAt (4:25:03 PM): monks cooking me breakfast? hell yes.

banerfee (3:00:53 PM): It's fine, though, I'm waiting until college for a relationship.
banerfee (3:01:00 PM): No point in having one now.
breakthedoors (3:01:00 PM): take it light for a while
banerfee (3:01:02 PM): Yeah.
banerfee (3:01:16 PM): I'll limit myself to random hookups and one-night stands.

banerfee (12:47:14 AM): Can you possibly resist the temptation to have sex with me?
Auto response from dashka15 (12:47:15 AM): whatever the hell it is you are going to tell me, the answer is NO
banerfee (12:47:20 AM): As I thought.

FluFFaYgoAt (8:55:16 PM): A villanelle has six sets of verses. The first five sets have three lines per verse.The sixth verse has four lines. The structure of the first five verses is first and third lines end with rhyming words. The second lines throughout the first five verses rhyme in their ending words. The sixth verse has four lines and the first, third and fourth lines all rhyme with the first and last lines of the other five verses. The second line rhymes with the second line of the first five verses.
banerfee (8:55:53 PM): Wow.
FluFFaYgoAt (8:55:56 PM): yeah.
FluFFaYgoAt (8:55:58 PM): its crazy.
banerfee (8:56:05 PM): ...I always thought poets were silly
FluFFaYgoAt (8:56:17 PM): but now you know theyre obsessive compulsive, too?
banerfee (8:56:28 PM): This reinforces my belief that truly worthy human beings write in C++ code and not in English.

banerfee (11:38:14 PM): Get your beauty sleep... >_< you need it

JohDHJ (11:30:20 PM): I've taken Bengay up the ass.
JohDHJ (11:30:24 PM): it doesn't phase me anymore.

ScorpioAngel118 (8:23:14 PM): wut grade r u inn??
banerfee (8:23:44 PM): 11th
ScorpioAngel118 (8:23:52 PM): o0o0o coo
ScorpioAngel118 (8:23:54 PM): juNiOR
banerfee (8:24:52 PM): More like a senior, with my schedule.
ScorpioAngel118 (8:25:05 PM): coo..das cuz ur reallii smart
banerfee (8:25:21 PM): No, it's because I'm reallllllllllyyyyy masochistic.

URtalking2Shiv (8:38:22 PM): dojfksdljfkf sd neil jdshfjshdfds fhdjfhsd is fja sdjkfsdakf sfhsf jsakl f just so jdshfjkssdhfjsdf shfhsa dfj sdfhakjfhsdf gay
URtalking2Shiv (8:38:33 PM): do u get it
banerfee (8:40:13 PM): gee
banerfee (8:40:16 PM): For some reason
banerfee (8:40:17 PM): I feel gay

Meghan6789: neil, what should i give up for lent?
banerfee: Orgasms.
Meghan6789: NO

I send her an essay.
Meghan6789 (10:15:31 PM): neil, you are a demi-god
banerfee (10:15:50 PM): (in bed)
Meghan6789 (10:16:00 PM): HAHA
Meghan6789 (10:16:06 PM): put that on the quotes page

Elephant3033 (11:16:29 PM): i became an online vigilante, armed with 15 ghost screen names and a warn button
banerfee (11:17:15 PM): What are you doing on AIM? Go write a bestselling autobiography.

Thanks to Ragini for...
Nurse: Any chance of you being pregnant?
Me: NO...I'm sure.
Nurse: Are you sure???
Me: Yes...I'm very sure...
Nurse: Maybe you just don't remember....

"Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence." - Manley's Maxim

(21:09:53) dashka15: my dad thinks im a whore
(21:09:57) dashka15: but i dont care
(21:11:57) dashka15: anyway, he literally thinks i like charge [for sex]
(21:12:22) KPU0: well, is he right?

U of M is like unprotected're glad to get in, and then you're sorry you came. - Popular saying at the University of Michigan

"Girls are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken." - KROD's AIM Profile.

Succubus: I used to have sex with different people all the time. But if you stick to one person, it gets better and better, because they actually know what you like.
Prof_Stupid: It gets boring after a while, not better.
E: How long was your longest relationship?
Prof_Stupid: Define relationship.
E: From the time you said "let's go out" to "I think we should break up."
Prof_Stupid: Maybe two weeks. Although I don't generally "go out" with a girl, I "come in" her.

breakthedoors (5:04:31 PM): i am pushing the limits of boredom right now
breakthedoors (5:04:39 PM): i need to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING
banerfee (5:05:00 PM): I have a plan
banerfee (5:05:05 PM): Step 1 involves a cucumber
banerfee (5:05:09 PM): Step 2 involves KY jelly
breakthedoors (5:05:09 PM): why am i worried
banerfee (5:05:12 PM): Step 3 involves a webcam
breakthedoors (5:05:14 PM): OK, now i know why im worried
breakthedoors (5:05:15 PM): and no
banerfee (5:05:18 PM): And Step 4 involves me getting very very rich
breakthedoors (5:05:18 PM): no and no
breakthedoors (5:05:21 PM): lol
breakthedoors (5:05:22 PM): no

banerfee (5:02:08 PM): How did you get open lunch?
Meghan6789 (5:02:24 PM): aside from sleeping with dan?
banerfee (5:02:29 PM): Aside from sleeping with Dan.
Meghan6789 (5:03:05 PM): i signed up for community service class for the first day of 2nd semester, got my open lunch pass, then switched to ap english
banerfee (5:03:15 PM): HAHAHAAHA
banerfee (5:03:20 PM): That's f'ing brilliant
banerfee (5:03:29 PM): That's really f'ing brilliant
Meghan6789 (5:03:37 PM): is it worth quoting?
banerfee (5:03:40 PM): No.

banerfee (9:43:31 PM): Speaking of which, I do need to update the quotes page.
banerfee (9:43:49 PM): Say something quoteworthy.
a g0od man (9:44:06 PM): *runs away*
banerfee (9:44:14 PM): Heh
banerfee (9:44:16 PM): It'll do.
a g0od man (9:44:30 PM): NO YOU CAN'T QUOTE ME
banerfee (9:44:35 PM): ...whyever not?
a g0od man (9:44:54 PM): hmm... I wasn't prepared to answer that...
banerfee (9:44:59 PM): Too late.

banerfee (3:24:04 PM): I barely slid through that class with an A-
Daovonnaex (3:24:12 PM): Uh oh, A-.
banerfee (3:24:20 PM): No, nothing wrong with an A-
banerfee (3:24:31 PM): I usually have no difficulty holding an A in most classes, though.
Daovonnaex (3:24:35 PM): Not if your parents are indian...
Daovonnaex (3:24:38 PM): You're going to have to turn to drugs and prostitution now.

Actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR Course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

CullyUU: you are helping me with my computer
CullyUU: I'm very illiterate
banerfee: Can I quote you on "CullyUU: I'm very illiterate"
banerfee: Out of context?
CullyUU: yes
CullyUU: I love it!
banerfee: Haha, okay
CullyUU: you could even say grandiosely illiterate!
banerfee: No.
banerfee: That's not how it works, see.
banerfee: I put it up as it came.
CullyUU: along with, you know, being a shoulder whore
banerfee: Shoulder whore. I like that.
CullyUU: aight
CullyUU: an illiterate shoulder whore

JohDHJ (10:49:30 PM): I've been thinking about a sex change.
JohDHJ (10:49:35 PM): specifically, I could start having some.

Banerfee: You're an uncultured swine.
KevinX: Sure I have a culture. I was born in AMERICA!! I'm also white.
Banerfee: I rest my case.

banerfee (12:12:36 AM): I like her boots
forestfirecat (12:12:44 AM): Same
forestfirecat (12:12:51 AM): very sexy boots
banerfee (12:13:36 AM): Very.
forestfirecat (12:14:14 AM): I wonder if she'll let us have sex with them
forestfirecat (12:14:25 AM): >p
banerfee (12:14:31 AM): I call the left one

FluFFaYgoAt (6:31:31 PM): hey--im on your quotes page! i love it when that happens.

A few moments later...
banerfee (6:32:48 PM): I guess you'll really like my latest update, then.
FluFFaYgoAt (6:33:22 PM): ?
banerfee (6:33:30 PM): Reload the page.
FluFFaYgoAt (6:33:44 PM): as if i didnt see that coming.
banerfee (6:33:49 PM): I know.
banerfee (6:33:52 PM): But hey, it's all good.
FluFFaYgoAt (6:34:01 PM): its all a part of my master plan to completely take over your quotes.
banerfee (6:34:12 PM): Whatever you're trying, it's working.

JohDHJ (2:43:41 AM): imagine...
JohDHJ (2:43:47 AM): your nice soft bed..
JohDHJ (2:43:50 AM): waiting for you...
JohDHJ (2:43:53 AM): in your room..
JohDHJ (2:44:04 AM): your sleepy head falling onto that cool soft pillow..
JohDHJ (2:44:11 AM): snuggling up deep within your blankets..
JohDHJ (2:44:20 AM): protected from the cold outside...
JohDHJ (2:44:27 AM): as your body slowly warms your covers...
banerfee (2:44:32 AM): dude
JohDHJ (2:44:34 AM): your eyes slowly droop
JohDHJ (2:44:40 AM): you yawn...
JohDHJ (2:44:43 AM): then you close your eyes...
banerfee (2:44:43 AM): that's like discussing niagara falls with someone who really needs to piss
banerfee (2:44:45 AM): below the belt
JohDHJ (2:44:50 AM): your breathing slows...
JohDHJ (2:44:54 AM): evens out...
JohDHJ (2:45:00 AM): and you're blissfully asleep

jenga shipwreck (2:32:58 AM): Eric fritz is like unprotected dystrophy: you're glad you got in, but you wish you were made out of this fully armed and operational battle station.

banerfee (10:30:23 PM): Check this out!
banerfee (10:30:26 PM): Prady's rap
banerfee (10:30:27 PM): yo, i'm not in a hurry
my beat is hot like curry

when i hit the lyrics i'm the beast
you know i am the storm from the east

I can be a strong like Ghengis Khan
I can change into a genius with my magic wand

I'll continue later this fat beat
I the man who can turn on the heat
banerfee (10:30:32 PM): Ah I see
SUSHiGUP (10:30:48 PM): that is so bad
SUSHiGUP (10:30:50 PM): i want to cry
SUSHiGUP (10:30:53 PM): if i hear anymore
SUSHiGUP (10:31:00 PM): i'll poke out my left eye
SUSHiGUP (10:31:02 PM): *sigh*

Dan: That site is a lot better than

forestfirecat (11:37:54 PM): phone sex and pizza
forestfirecat (11:37:59 PM): all a guy ever needs
DavidL1112 (11:38:07 PM): EXACTLY

"Time is the greatest teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all of its pupils." - Hector Berlioz

banerfee (3:01:09 PM): I'm about to have my first Linux experience.
Jeremy31337 (3:01:13 PM): Really?
Jeremy31337 (3:01:23 PM): Is that like your first sexual experience?
banerfee (3:01:34 PM): No, this one is actually going to happen at some point.
Jeremy31337 (3:01:41 PM): LOL

banerfee (5:27:26 PM): Usama got 216
rajaholick (5:27:30 PM): heh
rajaholick (5:27:31 PM): fuck usama
banerfee (5:27:37 PM): I'd rather not, thank you very much

"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless." - Calvin and Hobbes

baniazsidog (11:02:49 PM): ahh confuzzlement
acepenguinaim (11:02:58 PM): haha well said
r DX9 13 (11:02:58 PM): hey who's nazidog

In reference to this pageJohDHJ: It's a source of amusement for me.
JohDHJ: and just amusement.
banerfee: That's good
banerfee: I didn't want it to be a source of arousal
JohDHJ: Well..
JohDHJ: now that you mention it..........
JohDHJ: ;-)

banerfee (8:13:30 PM): A Canadian sniper shot an Al-Qaida gunner at a range of over two miles last fall.
banerfee (8:13:40 PM): over two miles!
banerfee (8:13:53 PM): Of course, being Canadese, he measured it in meters.
JohDHJ (8:13:58 PM): I can do that.
banerfee (8:14:20 PM): In combat?
JohDHJ (8:14:47 PM): yeah. I can measure in meters

"Procrastination is like masturbation: it's fun when you're doing it, but you only end up screwing yourself." - Popular Saying

In reference to the next two quotes...
JohDHJ (12:27:37 AM): You
JohDHJ (12:27:38 AM): are
JohDHJ (12:27:39 AM): insane.
banerfee (12:27:54 AM): That sums it up, yes.
JohDHJ (12:38:15 AM): Lay off the drugs, Neil.
banerfee (12:38:31 AM): Not a chance.
JohDHJ (12:38:33 AM): I know it seems like a wonderful and exciting new habit, where you meet lots of interesting and colorful people..
JohDHJ (12:38:37 AM): but in the end...
JohDHJ (12:38:43 AM): you'll only end up eating yourself.
banerfee (12:39:13 AM): I thought it was odd that those chicken nuggets hurt when I ate them. I guess that explains the bloody stumps on the edges of my hands.

TAPOTTI (12:18:30 AM): what if u proved that calculus couldn't exist
TAPOTTI (12:18:34 AM): that would be a blow too
banerfee (12:18:39 AM): Hell yes!
banerfee (12:19:03 AM): "Listen, Isaac, I can see why you're so thrilled about this derivative business...hey, is that a bottle of vodka?!"
TAPOTTI (12:20:49 AM): "o btw, i just found out that calculus is basically an extension of the recipie for brownies"
banerfee (12:22:42 AM): d/dx(chocolate) + d/dy(dough) = brownie^2
TAPOTTI (12:24:20 AM): "now i'll just replace chocolate with x^2, dough with y^3, and brownie with E 5z-2, VOILA"
banerfee (12:25:03 AM): Ladies and gentlemen, we have discovered chocolate frosting!
banerfee (12:25:06 AM): *applause*
TAPOTTI (12:26:03 AM): they recently discovered that newton was a chef with multipersonality disorder
TAPOTTI (12:26:11 AM): (psychopath)
banerfee (12:26:34 AM): Basically.

TAPOTTI (12:14:23 AM): damn physics
TAPOTTI (12:14:28 AM): easy yet hard
banerfee (12:14:30 AM): Heh
TAPOTTI (12:14:36 AM): wtf was sir issac newton thinkin
TAPOTTI (12:14:48 AM): yes, an apple dropped on his head
TAPOTTI (12:14:50 AM): so damn what
TAPOTTI (12:14:52 AM): eat the damn apple

a g0od man (11:47:48 PM): I don't understand why people like Thanksgiving - it is probably the most fowl day of the year.
banerfee (11:48:11 PM): *twitches and dies*
a g0od man (11:48:23 PM): you've been doing that a lot lately. Are you okay?

Neil says: So, how was your Korean thanksgiving?
Neil says: I've always wondered, does the dog taste better with salt or pepper?
sbpsparky says: well it depends on the dog
sbpsparky says: a sheperd is better with pepper
sbpsparky says: i personally think...
sbpsparky says: they taste more crunch with it
Neil says: Hmmm...fascinating.
sbpsparky says: u wanna taste?
Neil says: No, I think I'll be fine.
sbpsparky says: yep a thanksgiving dog. with stuffing. delicious

Entire conversation
00:15:14 petersez2u: what the
00:15:21 banerfee: I have no idea.
00:15:24 banerfee: Try the one on the left.

"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well." - Virginia Woolf

SUSHiGUP: she likes spongebob
banerfee: Oh, yeah, and he's gonna steal her away from you
banerfee: Spongebob's nose is a fucking phallus.
banerfee: He's gonna give her nasal sex.
SUSHiGUP: hhhahahaa

"What drunk German gynecologist came up with the luge? 'Hmm, I going to dress up like sperm, shove an ice skate up my ass, and go balls first down an ice chute. Jah, that vill be fun.'" - Robin Williams

"I wish I had an On/Off switch for my genitals." - Me

"Surprise, surprise to the guys who think they're the exception to the rule. She's faking it. That's right. It's not hard. All we have to do is throw in an 'ooh' and a couple of 'aahs,' gyrate the hips and you guys think you're the Jedi Master." - Beth Van Dyke

"College is screwed up. It's not real life. They took 6,000 of us who are in our sexual prime and crammed us into a dorm room where there's nowhere to sit except on the bed. Members of the opposite---or same, of course---gender are but a single flight of stairs away, and often right next door." - Anna Schleelein

Megapottiman (8:54:53 PM): procrastination is ur weakness
Megapottiman (8:54:57 PM): one day it will eat u alive
Megapottiman (8:55:06 PM): like majin buu

banerfee (8:39:26 PM): It's a dangerous Internet out there
Megapottiman (8:39:48 PM): o i would know
Megapottiman (8:39:50 PM): i made half of it
banerfee (8:40:23 PM): So you're the guy in the goatse picture!
banerfee (8:40:26 PM): I KNEW IT!@
Megapottiman (8:41:10 PM): (>_<')

I'm going to cook your dog and eat it---KOREAN BBQ STYLE! - Kasumi

"There is no love sincerer than the love of food." - George Bernard Shaw

sound gurilla (9:40:05 PM): my machine is a beast, so ..
sound gurilla (9:41:03 PM): it could eat you
sound gurilla (9:41:34 PM): it ate my cat

"They misunderestimated me." - George W. Bush

banerfee (1:25:36 AM): Goatse just isn't getting you off like it used to?
Herr Mawani (1:25:43 AM): Nope
Herr Mawani (1:25:45 AM): Errr
Herr Mawani (1:25:47 AM): Damnit ;-;

Herr Mawani: Surrender to my mammoth penis!
banerfee: ...
Siegesallee: What? Is it extinct too?
banerfee: Hahahahahhaa!!!!

KPU0: I told the staff person who keeps getting bug to tell the teachers to give me less homework.
KPU0: bugges
KPU0: dugged
KPU0: bugged
KPU0: Amazing how long that took me to spell correctly
KPU0: I'm surprised I didn't put drugged in there

a g0od man: i need someone with a speech impediment to read the line :"the symbol of american pride is the eagle"
such that it would sound as "the symbol of americal pride is the ego"
banerfee: Hahahahaha!
banerfee: A sad social commentary in that it's true...

a g0od man: laziness is a virtue....
a g0od man: and i don't feel like finishing that sentence
banerfee: Agreed.
banerfee: Hahahahaha
a g0od man: In Spanish 300 last year Eddie Cusack and I thought about having a laziness contest, but we didn't really feel like it

Person1: I especially missed my ass monkey
Person2: I'm sure that whoever he is, he missed you too.
Person1: YOU
Person1: You used to be my assmonkey
Person1: *sob* have you forgotten all the loving I've given you?
Person2: ...riiiiight.
Person2: No, my ass will always be loyal...
Person2: (but don't tell anyone)
Person2: I'm trying to keep my closet homosexuality on the down-low
Person2: Hence "closet"

Jeremy: You know how I said that all women seem to dress up as whores on Halloween?
Jeremy: Well, there are like 8 girls who are my brother's friends at my house.
Jeremy: And they're ALL DRESSED UP AS WHORES!!!

breakthedoors (9:57:41 PM): woot
breakthedoors (9:57:45 PM): woot-tastic

Rush8604: i couldn't fall asleep!
banerfee: Hah
banerfee: That's because of your deep desire for me
Rush8604: oh yes neil
Rush8604: i want you so bad

Not a quote, but since DJ told it to me...

A guy walks into a bar and sees Bush and Cheney sitting at one end. He asks the bartender: "Is that Bush and Cheney?" When the bartender affirms it, he immediately walks over to them. He looks at Bush and says "Mr. President! It's an honor to meet you. What are you guys doing here?"

Bush replies, "We're thinking of starting World War 3." When the guy asks how they plan on doing that, Cheney explains, "Well, we plan on killing 140 million Iraqis and 1 blonde lady with huge tits."

Naturally, the guy immediately asks "Why would you kill the blonde with huge tits?" Well, Cheney looks at Bush and says "See?! I told you no one would care about the 140 million Iraqis!"


a g0od man (10:58:14 PM): normal people scare me
FluFFaYgoAt (10:58:17 PM): ??!
FluFFaYgoAt (10:58:20 PM): you just became
FluFFaYgoAt (10:58:28 PM): a whiney gothic teenage girl.

JohDHJ (9:42:19 PM): something that'd be bad and funny...
JohDHJ (9:42:54 PM): if you know someone who likes to use vaseline to lube themself up and then stimulate themself anally.. well, replace the vaseline or lace it heavily with Bengay.

Jeremy31337 (6:07:07 PM): Are you going to be going out to lunch next year?
Banerfee (6:07:17 PM): err...possibly...
Jeremy31337 (6:08:14 PM): You can just go in my trunk.
Banerfee (6:08:28 PM): I wouldn't mind...
Jeremy31337 (6:08:37 PM): We can pull the tarmac over you.
Banerfee (6:08:42 PM): ...tarmac?
Banerfee (6:08:44 PM): You mean TARP.

A few moments later...

Jeremy31337 (6:09:54 PM): Are you going to add that to your quotes page?
Banerfee (6:09:58 PM): Yes.
Jeremy31337 (6:12:40 PM): It makes me look stupid.
Banerfee (6:12:58 PM): ...that's the POINT, bozo.
Jeremy31337 (6:13:06 PM): But I'm not that stupid.
Banerfee (6:13:35 PM): I'm sure.

A few moments later...

JohDHJ (9:26:46 PM): Tarmac = the stuff on roads.
JohDHJ (9:26:54 PM): it'd kill you if they covered you with it.
JohDHJ (9:27:03 PM): It makes Jeremy look stupid.
Banerfee (9:28:05 PM): That's the point.

A few moments later...

a g0od man (11:05:20 PM): well, looking at what you did to Jeremy31337 I shouldn't complain...
a g0od man (11:05:44 PM): tarmac? isn't that where they put planes?
banerfee (11:05:46 PM): Yeah.

JohDHJ: You know what's a bad sign?
JohDHJ: When your dog looks attractive.